Promise Me
by Megwill
Summary: "Promise me if anything ever happens to me that you will watch after Alexis." Castle said and Beckett replied, "Okay." in a serious, yet reassuring tone. Now she stood in the hospital waiting room across from the 15 or was she 16 year old red head petrified."
1. Chapter 1

Promise Me

The doctor walked toward Kate as she waited in the corridor. She noted his stride was slow, he looked exhausted and overwhelmed. Beckett swallowed as the doctor stopped in front of her, "Detective Beckett?"

"Yes." She didn't really believe in God as much as some people did, but at that moment she sent up a prayer that whatever news the doctor came to deliver about Castle was good.

"I'm so sorry, but your partner Mr. Castle didn't make it." Kate said nothing only nodded in acknowledgment. She had prepared herself for the news and more importantly she had to deliver the news to Martha and Alexis. The doctor turned and left not wanting to stay as Kate stared off into nowhere. This was all a dream, right? There was no bank heist. The man in the bank never shot Castle in front of Martha, it was just a bluff. She hadn't marched into the bank and put a bullet through the man's skull who had hurt her partner. Though, she had.

Suddenly, she could feel the blood rushing cold through her veins. The wound oozing, one she knew would never stop bleeding. Some wounds are too deep to scar over no matter how much time goes by. Kate knew this. She turned around slowly to go and tell the news to Martha and Alexis in the waiting room. She walked like a zombie, the hospital was a blur, and then she saw the red headed fifteen or was she sixteen years old? It didn't matter. For some reason she could see her with perfect clarity as she stood across the waiting room unnoticed. Kate closed her eyes and inhaled. Rapidly, she was overcome with a memory.

 _"Promise me if anything ever happens to me you will watch after Alexis." Kate could hear Rick as if it were yesterday._

 _"Okay." She nodded seriously, reassuring him._

She opened her eyes abruptly and exhaled a puff of air. All of a sudden she was back in the hospital, back to a cruel reality. So, this is how it ends she thought to herself as the millions of voices in her mind came to an abrupt halt as she took her first step toward Martha and Alexis. She looked up and noticed Martha wasn't next to Alexis. Kate inhaled and worry and wonder crept in. She wanted to tell them both together.

Suddenly, Alexis looked up and met Kate's big brown orbs. Kate could hide many things, but tonight the fierce emotion that her sunken almost black eyes shown were evident for all to see. Neither person said a word nor moved. Instead they waited a bit unsure of who was to approach who first. Kate inhaled and walked up to the young redhead as tears streamed down her face Alexis looked up from her chair to Kate.

"Well tell me! Is he okay?!" Alexis' voice trembled as she tried her damdest to command authority.

Kate swallowed tamping down her emotions, "Where is Martha?"

"She had to use the restroom. I need to know Kate! _You have to tell me!"_ Alexis' voice cracked brokenhearted as she yelled at Kate.

Kate drew in a breath, "I'm so sorry Alexis."

Alexis' eyes grew big and then she lost it. Tears falling in a rapid pace down her face. Kate felt out of place, but she promised. She knelt down to her knees and Alexis threw herself on Kate wrapping her arms around Kate's neck as she cried racking sobs into her shoulders.

Martha walked around the corner to see Alexis holding on to Katherine for dear life as she sobbed. Kate was rubbing her granddaughters back and smoothing her hair as she now sat cross legged on the hospital floor with her. Martha knew what had happened and immediately closed her eyes as she inhaled a shaky breath and brought her hand to her mouth. Her eyes watered, as small tears trickled down her face. Her baby boy was gone. Now what? Martha walked out of site and leaned against a wall as she cried harder.

Alexis' cries were silent now as tears rushed down her face. She pulled out of Kate's embrace and looked at her, "Nothing will ever be good anymore. I want my Grams."

Kate inhaled and looked the broken hearted child directly in her eyes. Then she placed her hands on either side of her face as she brushed her tears away with her thumbs, "Alexis, someone once told me that even on the worst of days, there is a possibility of joy."

"They don't sound like they knew what they were talking about." Alexis pulled out of her grip. Just then her Grams walked up.

Alexis stood and ran into her Grams open arms, "Dad didn't make it!" she said as the hiccupping loud sobs started again.

"I know baby, shhh. I know." Martha cooed to her granddaughter, but it did no good. All of a sudden Martha met Katherine's dark orbs over Alexis' shoulder.

'Thank you.' Martha mouthed.

'Always.' Beckett mouthed back as she left the two and headed home.

* * *

Now alone in her apartment she sat in a now cold shower as blood drained fast from her open wound, which she knew would never heal. Finally, it had happened. She had no idea what time it was only that it was morning and she would never be the same again. She loved him and she had never told him. Tears rushed down her face falling with the shower water. They poured down her face as racking sobs over took her.

* * *

It was now Monday and no one had heard from Kate. It was to be expected, everyone knew what happened last night. Worst yet, everyone knew how much more Castle really meant to Beckett. Her admission of just partners was a ridiculous notion to everyone else.

Espo looked at Ryan, "I'll be right back, cover for me."

"Where are you going?" Ryan asked.

"Beckett." Esposito replied and Ryan nodded.

* * *

Esposito knocked for a third time and received no answer. So, he dug out the key in his pocket and walked in. "Beckett?"

No answer.

"Beckett?" still Esposito received no answer. He started to look around the apartment and came across the bathroom door, shut tight. He knocked to no avail and slowly opened the door to find Beckett in the shower teeth chattering, arms folded across her chest, and legs pulled up. She was shivering badly and didn't acknowledge his presence. He quickly shut the shower curtain and went on a hunt for towels.

Finding a towel he handed it to her and she let it fall to the ground.

"Jesus." He picked the towel up and wrapped her in it, "Beckett you need to get up!"

She stood slowly and he directed her out of the shower and into her room where he laid her on the bed the towel covering her. He rolled his eyes and mumbled in discomfort as he dug through his superior's drawers and grabbed the first pair of pajamas he found. He handed them to her. _"Beckett you have to put these on. Now!"_

Slowly her eyes looked up to meet Espo's and she inhaled. "Okay."

Her voice was a mere whisper. Javie inhaled and let out a breath as he ran his hand over his head.

"Good." He walked out of the room hoping she would dress herself.

* * *

Beckett sat on the bed. A million pieces of her heart lay shattered on the hospital floor. She realized Esposito had taken her out of the shower. Slowly her mind processed this. That was nice of him, but he wasn't Castle.

Unexpectedly, she noticed her phone vibrate and lite up next to her night stand. She couldn't speak to anyone right now, but for some reason she looked at the screen to see who it was. _Alexis Castle._ All of a sudden something came over her and she snapped out of it swallowing and inhaling she answered the call, "Beckett."

"I know." Alexis sounded like Kate felt. Kate was quiet as she wondered why Alexis called her in particular. "I found something in Dad's office."

"Oh." Beckett didn't act surprised, but listened intently. A sounding board for the child that needed it even more than she did. She had lost a parent. Kate knew how that felt.

Esposito opened the door a crack to see Kate dressed and on the phone. He wondered with whom, but was just glad she was talking. He wrote a note, left it on her kitchen counter and left.

* * *

"It was a yellow sticky note stuck to a picture of me in his desk drawer." Alexis said in a voice so quiet Kate could barely hear her.

"Mmmm" Beckett didn't know how to reply.

"The note said that even on the worst of days, there is a possibility of joy. It had a heart scribbled on the sticky note. Did my dad tell you that?" Alexis asked a hopeful wonder hung in her tone.

Beckett drew in a breath, "No. I told him that."

"Why do you think he has it there?" Alexis didn't understand.

Kate exhaled, a slight smile graced her lips, "Alexis, no matter what happened or however bad his day was. He would come home to you and realize that in retrospect everything was okay. You are his joy."

Beckett could hear muffled tears on the other end of the line.

"I didn't want to tell you, but you weren't his girlfriend you were Beckett. Kinda part of the family. Anyway, I found a picture of you at your desk at your work in another one of his desk drawers. I just wanted to know if you want it back." Alexis asked somberly.

Kate inhaled as a silent tear rolled down her cheek, "Sure. Thanks Alexis."

"Mmmhhmm." Alexis didn't have anything else to say and she just wanted to go crawl back into her bed and cry. "Bye, Kate."

"Bye, Alexis." Kate didn't bother wiping the tears that started to roll at a faster pace down her face, but let them. It was healthy to let it out. She exhaled a shaky breath as she smiled slightly, realizing that Alexis was the only reason she had snapped out of it this morning. She laid her head back down onto her pillow as she whisper aloud, "Everything has changed Castle, but don't worry I won't ever take my eyes off of Alexis. She's a great kid and I will protect her with my whole heart. I love you Castle. I always have."

* * *

Alexis pulled the comforter back and got back into bed. She rested her head gently onto the pillow and whispered aloud, "Dad, I miss you. I don't know why, but I called Detective Beckett today. I think it's because I found the yellow sticky note attached to my picture in your top drawer of your office desk. Beckett said it meant that I was what you found joy in no matter what happened that day." Tears streamed down her face as she sniffed, "I love you Dad and I wish you were still here."

* * *

Do you guys want more or I'm unsure if I should just leave it as a one shot or not.


	2. You Never Had To Ask

You Never Had To Ask

Beckett looked at herself in her mirror and ran her hands over her dress, smoothing over invisible wrinkles. Her hair was combed neatly, she was dressed in a nice dress, and her makeup was done perfectly.

Though, everything was anything but perfect. She inhaled as she looked at her cell checking the time. As she exhaled leaving her bedroom, she stopped to shut the door. She paused a moment as she noticed the blood trail from the fresh wound she left behind her. The one she knew would never heal. Maybe Alexis was right. Would anything be good again? Would joy ever be possible again? She locked her front door and walked down the hall of her apartment.

* * *

Martha walked into her granddaughter's room and saw Alexis sitting on the bed. She quietly walked over and sat next to her.

"I don't want to go." Alexis whispered as she laid her head on Martha's shoulder.

Martha said nothing, only laid her head on Alexis' and took her granddaughter's hand in her own giving it a squeeze.

* * *

It was just close friends and family that stood watching as they lowered the casket into the ground. Beckett glanced at Alexis who had tears streaming down her face. So did Martha, Meredith, and Lanie. Though, Beckett stood stoic, in another reality. The sinking feeling she felt was now a burning pressure on her chest squeezing it harder and tighter. As the casket was finally out of view and the dirt was starting to cover the grave, the burden became too much and she broke gasping for air, yet she found she couldn't breathe. Esposito glanced her way and was thankful when people started to get up and leave. Beckett didn't need to be here any longer. Hell she was shot at the last funeral she attended.

It was only Alexis, Martha, and Beckett left at the freshly dug grave now. Esposito had tried to cajole Beckett to leave with them, just as Meredith had tried to convince Alexis to leave to no avail.

Alexis glanced up at Beckett, "I didn't want to come."

"Me neither." Beckett admitted the the pressure on her chest was back, an elephant stepping on her chest. She wondered if she would ever be able to breathe again.

"Why did he have to be the hero?" Alexis said under her breath and then inhaled a shaky one as she exhaled turning away.

It hurt so bad to stand there, but Beckett knew it was going to hurt no matter where she stood because he wasn't standing beside her anymore. It hurt. She had lost her best friend and the man she loved with her whole heart. Though, she had heard him tell her that he loved her when she was shot. While losing Castle forever damaged her core more than she would imagine anything ever could. The thing that hurt the most was living with the regret of never telling him, never telling him that she loved him too. So much she loved him, but it didn't really matter now did it. She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tickle of the water running down her cheek. She turned away and walked toward Martha and Alexis.

Alexis held Kate's eye for a moment. For a moment she saw Castle's eyes, then reality crashed back in and the tear stained red head mouthed 'bye'

* * *

Beckett walked into her room to change out of her black dress. The room looked like a crime scene. She left a blood trail everywhere she went. Walking out of her room in sweat pants and one of the 12th's t-shirts she sat on the couch and exhaled a puff of air. She kept her cell close and noticed that Lanie had called her, but she only wanted to be alone. She laid back into the couch and closed her eyes as she let the tears stream down her face she brought her hands to her face and wiped her tears away.

"Why him?!" She yelled to no one and anyone. "Why?!"

She stare at the ceiling as memories rapidly assaulted her mind, she welcomed them closing her eyes as tears continued to roll down her face.

" _You know what I thought when I first met you? That you were a mystery I was never going to solve. Even now after spending all this time with you…I, I'm still amazed by the depths of your strength, your heart, and your hotness."_

" _Yeah, okay well I don't know what we are. We kiss and we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms. So, no, I have no clue what we are."_

" _You deserve to be happy Kate, but you're scared."_

" _No! Castle, let me go. Rick Please!"_

" _Kate I love you. I love you Kate."_

All of a sudden her eyes snapped open and reality came crashing in on her all at once. She heaved a deep breath and slowly laid down, curling up on her side she cried harder into the couches pillow. He should have been here to hold her and make it all better! He should be walking through her door any moment to reassure her everything would be okay. Though, he wasn't and he wasn't ever going to be.

* * *

Kate had cried herself to sleep on the couch. It was dark outside now. She looked to her phone which had missed calls from the boys, Lanie, and Alexis. Alexis? She sat up and called the young Castle back wondering what she wanted this time.

"Hello?" Alexis still sounded horrible.

"It's Kate." She stated.

"Oh, um…my Grams isn't doing well at all. I mean I tried to tell her she needed to get out of bed, but she hasn't since we got home and …" Alexis trailed off uncertain, "I think she's having flashbacks."

"I'm on my way over now." Beckett reassured Alexis.

Alexis swallowed her tears, "Thanks."

"Always." Beckett assured Castle's daughter. As she locked the door to her apartment overnight bag in hand she closed her eyes, looked up, and inhaled deeply as she tried her damnest to control the tears that wanted to fall so badly down her face. Exhaling, she threw her shoulders back and walked down the hall toward what was left of Castle, toward a promise that he never had to ask of her. She would have watched after Martha and Alexis, no questions asked. Always.

* * *

She knocked and Alexis opened the door and stared at Kate.

"Thanks." Alexis still was unsure what she should really say to Kate. They had always had an odd relationship, but that was quickly changing. For everything had changed. No one ever expected this kind of change.

"Mmmhhmm." Beckett walked in as Alexis opened the door a bit wider.

"Where is your Grams now?" Beckett got straight to the point.

"In her room upstairs." Alexis' voice was so somber. Then again, so was Beckett's.

Beckett walked upstairs and knocked on Martha's door Alexis at her side. Beckett turned around to Alexis, "Let me go in alone, okay?"

Alexis nodded and went into her room.

* * *

Kate walked in the door and slowly made her way to Martha's bed. She sat down beside her, "Martha?"

She didn't respond, only stared off into nowhere. Kate placed a hand on Martha's leg in comfort and the two sat that way a while. Not saying a word, and then a whisper left Martha's lips, "Why Richard?"

"I don't know." Kate's voice was soft and full of empathy.

Martha drew in a breath and let it out, "He loved you."

Kate inhaled as an awkward silence filled the room. Beckett could feel the gash in her heart growing larger as the wound opened and life easily drained out of her once again. She felt sick.

Martha shook her head and wiped at her tears as she sat up and looked Kate in the eyes, "You love him too. I can hear it in your voice...and there are some things a mother just knows."

The tears that Kate had tried so desperately to hold back spilled over. Beckett never cried. Why was he doing this to her? Martha opened her arms to Kate and motioned for her to come in for a hug. Kate fell into Martha's arms much as Alexis did to Beckett in the hospital. The two sat on the bed. Kate crying silent tears that streamed down her face in a rapid pace as Martha rubbed her back and whispered that it would be okay to her.

Kate smiled a sad smile as she pulled out of Martha's embrace. She had gone over to comfort Martha and Martha had ended up comforting her.

Martha had no idea why she told Beckett what she did, but at the same time she knew exactly why she told her what she did. Like she said, sometimes a mother just knows and she knew Katherine loved her son. She then took Kate's hand in her own, "Thank you darling. I needed someone to care for."

Beckett smiled sadly, her eyes were still a bit glossy, "Always."

"Now I do believe I'm going downstairs. I'm starving." Martha stated.

Now Kate sat alone in Martha's bedroom, her fingers toyed with the comforter, "Castle I…I just…I hope you knew." She was quiet a moment as she exhaled, "I loved you too, Rick. _I love you too_."


	3. Best Partner Ever

Best Partner Ever

Beckett sat up groggily at three thirty. One would think she awoke because the couch might have been uncomfortable, but that wasn't the case at all. She stood in her yoga pants and big red t-shirt then let out a breath. The loft was so dark, yet she hesitantly padded her way into Rick's bedroom. Suddenly, the room was spinning in slow motion. Everything smelled like Rick, and it was a bit overwhelming standing there a few feet from his bed as tears streamed down her face. She closed her eyes and walked forward until she bumped into the bed, her eyes flew open and she lay down slowly, grabbing at one of his pillows and hugging it in her arms as she cried into the other pillow. They smelled like him.

* * *

Alexis was the first one up. She sat on the edge of her bed a bit before slowly walking down stairs, only to find that Beckett wasn't on the couch her Grams and she had made up for her last night. Was she awake already too?

"Kate?" Alexis looked around the loft to no avail. She wasn't in the kitchen and the coffee hadn't been started. Could she have gone back to her place? Would she of done that? No. Alexis started to walk upstairs to continue her search when she unexpectantly saw a human form laying in her father's bed, the door open just a crack. Alexis pushed the door open enough to stand in the doorway a moment as she watched Kate sleep in the early morning stillness. Anyone could tell she had cried herself to sleep last night. Alexis wondered what drove her to go into the one room Alexis couldn't bring herself to enter. It was hard watching someone other than her father sleep in his bed. So many feelings that Alexis couldn't explain swiftly hit her heart at once and she closed the door to her father's bedroom quickly as she stepped out. She then slid down the back of the door, legs pulled up to her chest, she buried her head in her knees and cried for all that was and all that would never be.

* * *

Beckett awoke to the smell of coffee brewing and him. She closed her eyes again and then slowly sat up pain shot through her, it hurt. She remembered the fresh wound her heart had suffered and not the physical one. Swallowing, she sat a moment and then swung her feet off the bed. Standing she eyed the door, waiting for Castle to walk through it. Instead she inhaled a deep breath and walked out of it to greet the other two women in the house.

"Kate?" Alexis smiled, the name felt a bit more familiar now. She had always bounced back and forth between detective Beckett and Kate. All of a sudden, she had become just Kate. Alexis didn't know why, only that is what she called her now. Alexis felt Kate was starting to adjust to the change in her name as well. If Alexis called her Beckett, it was as if too many memories overwhelmed her at once. So, Kate it was.

Kate looked up to Alexis, "Good morning."

Martha sighed and glanced at Alexis. Martha wasn't the most intuitive person in the world, but she knew when she was being left out of something or if something was off, and despite the obvious, something was definitely not right with Alexis or Kate.

"I made some coffee if you would like some." Alexis held up a coffee mug.

Kate walked slowly over to bar and sat, "Thanks Alexis."

Alexis smiled and nodded as she handed Beckett the coffee mug. She didn't really know what else to say and was glad that her Grams took over.

"How did you sleep last night Katherine?" Martha wondered.

Alexis looked away, knowing full and well how sleep had treated Katherine Beckett last night or should she refer to it as early this morning?

"Oh, fine. Thank you." Kate said and for some reason her lie angered Alexis. Couldn't Grams see through the false happiness in her tone? This was a hard time for everyone; no one should have to deal with lies on top of that. Though, she didn't say a word, she hated conflict.

"Good, I'm glad." Martha said and then turned to get some more coffee as she half rolled her eyes, seeing through Kate. That woman, why couldn't she ever just say what was really on her mind?

There was an akward silence that loomed over the morning. Kate wondered if she should leave or if she should go. Alexis had disappeared into her dad's study, and everyone left her alone not knowing what her state of mind was going to be like when she came out of the study, and Martha had taken to busying herself with a crossword puzzle upstairs. Though, Kate really knew she was elbows deep in trying to figure out Rick's will to Alexis and her. She had heard her on the phone when she passed her room once before and closed her eyes. It was tedious work and involved attorneys. Something she knew Martha didn't want to do, and didn't deserve to deal with right now.

* * *

Suddenly, Alexis was sitting on the couch next to Kate.

"I see you made the couch." Alexis noticed. She wondered if that meant she was leaving tonight or just made it to be polite.

"Mmmhmm." Beckett nodded.

Alexis drew in a deep breath, "I saw you last night…"

Beckett turned to look at the young redhead.

"…You left the door a crack and you fell asleep in dad's bed. You were holding his pillows and I could tell you'd cried yourself to sleep, because your face was still red, puffy, and you had dried tear tracks on your cheeks." Alexis looked to meet Kate's deep mahogany colored eyes. "Why did you lie this morning to Grams?"

For a moment Kate was at a loss of words. As the moments passed, she realized she had no answer for the little Castle, "I don't know."

Alexis let out the breath she was holding in, "It was probably, because it was easier than the truth." She reached beside her and picked something up. "This is the picture I told you I found on the phone." She held the picture out to Kate for her to take. Alexis noticed Kate took it with trembling hands and watched as Beckett stared at the picture of herself doing paperwork at her desk, oblivious to the shot Castle had taken of her.

"Thank you, Alexis." Kate smiled and hugged the girl.

"I didn't realize he wrote something one the back of it. I just discovered it today." Alexis admitted, thinking of the novel his father had written on the back of the photo, she knew she should leave Kate to herself.

Kate quickly flipped the photo over, _"I kissed her today. One of these days, you'll all see, she'll let me kiss her every day. She's different, Katherine Beckett. She has the largest heart out of anyone I've ever known, but she's so scared to show it to anyone. I know I love her and I think she loves me too, but she won't dare admit to a connection of that magnitude, so how can I be sure? I hope one day she will be my always. Best Partner Ever."_

Kate looked to her side blurry eyed and noticed Alexis had left. _He thought she loved him too, but he wasn't sure._ That is the one thing that resonated with her more than any other sentence he had left behind. Though, _thought_ wasn't good enough. She should have let him _know._ She swiped at a tear and tried to hold herself together for Alexis and Martha. You're too late, Kate. You're too late.

Alexis looked behind her to see Kate on the couch swiping at her eye. She sighed, she didn't want to make her cry, but what kind of heart doesn't look back to the ghosts of their past? And now more than ever after she had just handed Kate a secret piece of the past that had now become a tangible truth, held in her hand. Alexis always knew deep down that her dad loved Kate, but to see the words written in his handwriting was different. She didn't know how, it just was. To see that last sentence, did he really one day want to marry Kate?

Kate let the photo hang in her hand and didn't look at it. The photo wasn't taken on the day they saved the boys, but it seemed he needed to write on it the day they saved them. That was the first time she kissed him. They both felt the electricity race through their veins and Kate would never admit it, but she was the one who initiated the second more frenzied kiss. You know, to make the kiss look believable. Yeah, sure that was why she did it.

* * *

Martha walked down stairs flustered her hand to her head. Halfway down the stairs she looked up at the broken image before her. Kate slouched on the couch her mind whirring, eyes enigmatic, and black. Alexis was sipping coffee at the bar just for the sake of sipping coffee. Silence her best friend and worst enemy at the moment. Martha finished making her way down the stairs, Alexis noticed her first. She was thankful for her appearance.

Beckett looked up at Martha and Alexis, "Katherine, darling, Alexis and I have to run into town for a bit. You are welcome to stay if you would like."

Alexis turned to her Grams surprised, "Why do we have to go into town?"

Her Grams gave her a tight lipped frown, "Wills, attorneys, business matters."

Kate stood, "Thank you Martha. Though, I was about to go out as well."

Alexis gave Kate an odd look and then looked to her Grams. Where was she going? Though, she let Kate's business remain her own and didn't say anything.

* * *

Soon Alexis was dressed and walking out the door with Martha, "Bye Kate." Alexis said.

"Should we expect you tonight?" Martha wondered and Kate honestly didn't know if she could spend another night at Castle's loft.

"I don't know. I'll call you if I'm coming over." Beckett replied and Martha nodded and Beckett watched as both Alexis and Martha walked out the front. She thought about getting up to lock it, but heard someone lock the deadbolt. So, instead she grabbed her cell phone and called the one person she needed right now.

"Kate! How are you?" Lanie asked cautiously, she recognized the caller id and skipped over pleasantries.

"Lanie are you available for coffee?" Beckett asked hoping to God she was.

"Sure sweetie, when?" Lanie asked.

"Now." Kate could hear a slight intake of breath on the other end of the phone.

"Of course, where do you want to meet?" Lanie wondered.

"Java on 34th and 12th." Kate surprised herself at wanting to go to the coffee shop she and Castle frequented.

"See you in a bit." Lanie said not telling Beckett she was at work and going to have to call Perlmutter in to cover for her.

"See you soon." Kate said as she sighed and ended the call. She dug around in her overnight bag for a new shirt and jeans. She had a feeling Lanie was going to be coming from work, but it was the best Beckett was going to be able to do for now. She changed right in the living room secretly wondering what it would have been like to change in the living room on a regular basis. Now dressed, she was ready to walk out of the door. Though, right before she shut it and locked it she held it open and stared at Castle's loft with a dream like curiosity, that had ebbed its way into her heart and soul. The loft was a part of her too. She inhaled deeply and then shut and locked the door.

* * *

Alexis fidgeted across from the attorney and she thought back to early this morning when she sat up against her father's door as Kate lay in his bed. Should she have told Kate that it bothered her that she was in _his_ bed? No. Only, because she honestly didn't know what had bothered her. Was it Kate being in her father's bed or was it the fact she hadn't been in his room until that exact moment and so many memories came rushing in that-

"Miss Castle." Their attorney, Alan Morton, snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Yes?" Alexis' once piercing light blue eyes now studied the older man that sat across from her.

"I'm very sorry for your loss." Alan proceeded, "So, I would like to make this process as quick as I can for you and your Grandmother."

"Thank you." Martha and Alexis said in synchrony.

"You are aware that there are four people on the will, correct?" Alan was going down the checklist.

Martha and Alexis looked at each other and then Martha looked at Alan, "No, there is only supposed to be three. Well as far as I know."

Alexis' mind was racing as who the fourth person could be. Gina? No. Then she rolled her eyes and looked at her Grams, "It's Kate."

"What?" Her Grams hadn't heard her.

"Beckett, she's the fourth person." Alexis confirmed oddly confident in her statement.

Her Grams sat back in her chair, "Oh, Oh Richard."

"Is this going to cause some sort of problem?" Alan asked, hoping a family feud wasn't about to take place.

Martha shook her head, "Actually, it makes perfect sense."

Alan continued, "It said this person made a verbal agreement to watch after his daughter if anything should ever happen to him."

Alexis shrunk back and her face changed color. She didn't know if she was mad at Kate or appreciative. She and her Grams were fine. Was she being kind to them just because she knew she was going to get money?! Alexis' mind raced.

* * *

Lanie gave Kate a long hug; she knew that she needed it. Kate closed her eyes as she hugged her friend thanked her and then sat down across the table from Lanie Parish.

"So, how are you doing sweetie?" Lanie's voice was full of empathy.

Kate tried her damdest to pull strength from within her and not let her eyes gloss over, but she failed and looked away swiping at her eye.

Kate said nothing.

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry." Lanie tried, but the café smelled like memories and of him. Lanie watched as the woman who never cried let a tear trickle down her cheek.

Beckett cleared her throat, "I stayed at the loft last night." More silence hung between Beckett and Lanie as a loud couple slipped into the booth behind them. Beckett didn't seem to notice. "Around three thirty I fell asleep in his bed."

Lanie closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. Beckett was starring at the glass coffee mug. It wasn't like the Styrofoam ones Castle would bring her every day. It didn't taste the same even though it was the exact same coffee.

Lanie opened her eyes, but Beckett remained starring down at the coffee in front of her. "Alexis found a photo he kept of me."

Kate looked up and Lanie responded, "That's nice."

"Lanie! I never told him! I never told him!" Lanie got out from her side of the booth and sat down next to her friend.

"Beckett, you never had to because he knew sweetie. He knew." Lanie tried to reassure her best friend, but Lanie didn't know he had told her that he loved her when she was shot and she never said anything back. She didn't know that he wrote on the back of a photo of her that he hoped one day she would be his always, and she didn't know that he thought that she loved him too, but he wasn't sure.

Beckett pulled out of Lanie's comforting grip, "I have to go."

Lanie stood and let her best friend out of the booth, "Okay, see you later sweetie. Keep in touch."

Kate threw cash on the table and started to walk away, then sighed and turned back to Lanie and stood, "Thank you, for everything. Thanks."

"Don't worry about it girl." Lanie smiled and waved wondering where Kate was off to now.

* * *

She had walked around central park enough times that it was now dark. As she walked the street back to her apartment she remembered Martha's invitation to stay at their place tonight. No. She couldn't do that. She unlocked the door to her apartment and as she stepped inside she felt an emptiness strike her so hard she gasped. She looked around the lived in, yet desolate apartment. She walked into her room and took her small overnight bag off her back. Then she started packing for another night, and maybe another. Who was she kidding? She couldn't stay away from the loft, her heart wouldn't let her and she didn't want to spend the night in her red stained room. She picked up her cell and called Martha.

* * *

Martha was the one who answered the door. She smiled at Katherine and let her in, "I knew you would be back tonight."

Kate smiled back her eyes quickly searching the apartment, "Where is Alexis?"

As if on cue the young Castle came bounding down the stairs shouting something about how her mother wasn't coming. Then her eyes saw Kate and she stopped, her demeanor changed instantly. "You promised my dad you would watch after me?! Why? I have my Grams, we are fine without you. I don't care if he loved you."

Beckett looked to Martha for an answer to her sudden change of demeanor.

"Alexis!" Martha tried.

Though, Beckett shook her head no to Martha and held her ground, "Yes, Alexis I promised your father I would watch after you if anything ever happened to him. And I would do it again Alexis. Your father never had to ask me to watch out for you. I would have looked after you and your Grams regardless if you wanted me to or not, because that is what you do for someone you love. Yes, I loved your father, but you know that because you're a smart girl. So, tell me why the sudden shift toward me? Why am I on your shit list all of a sudden? What happened?"

Alexis was quiet a moment and then swallowed and inhaled, letting out a shaky sigh, "Did you know?"

Her voice was so quiet Beckett could barely hear her, "What?"

"That you were in dad's Will. Did you know?" Alexis asked and suddenly Beckett understood.

She shook her head at Alexis and rolled her eyes, "Is that why you are mad at me? You thought that I was only looking after you because I was in his Will?"

"Well, yeah." Alexis admitted.

Beckett picked up her bag and opened the front door walking out, but before she closed it she turned to look at Alexis, "And no I didn't know." Then she left.

Alexis looked to her Grams, "I didn't mean to make her go."

Her Grams inhaled, "She isn't Gina sweetie, and you should have realized that long ago."

* * *

Suddenly, Alexis had run down the stairs and out the front door. Now she found herself staring at Kate Beckett's back in the lobby.

"Beckett!" Alexis knew her last name would halt her in her tracks.

Kate turned around slowly and stared at the young Castle. Alexis noticed Kate's eyes were a bit gloss covered, then again so were her own.

"I'm sorry." Alexis mouthed, but Kate stood her ground until the young Castle was standing in front of her. "I'm sorry." Alexis voiced.

Kate dropped her bag and brought the girl in for an unexpected hug which Alexis welcomed, greatly. As she drew out of their hug, Kate found it odd how easily the Castle's could bring her walls down. There was not a doubt in her mind. She would protect Alexis with her life.

"Are you going to come back up to the loft?" Alexis wondered a bit of hope in her voice.

Beckett inhaled and looked at a seat in the lobby, "Not before we get something important straightened out first, Alexis."

"Okay." It was more of a question than a statement.

Kate started to walk over to the bench and Alexis followed her. Kate motioned for her to sit beside her and she did. Beckett could tell the curiosity was eating Alexis alive.

* * *

All right it's up to you guys now, because this one is a mystery to me. How many actually want to see it finished? I will completely do so if you and _I_ like how it's going - if people think it's a horrid mess, then I will probably let it go. Though, so far it seems like people like the concept and story.


	4. You Should Be Here

You Should Be Here

Alexis shifted in her seat and looked up at Beckett curious. What was she going to say?

Beckett inhaled and let out a deep breath, "I can't change what happened, Alexis." Alexis nodded her head slightly in acknowledgment of her words. "If I'm going to keep this promise, which I fully intend on doing, then you and I have to agree to trust one another. We have a long road ahead of us and it's not going to be easy, but I want to make it as smooth as possible. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Alexis inhaled, "You're asking me to trust you completely."

Beckett nodded. She didn't trust anyone after her mother's murder, "Yes."

Alexis picked at her cuticles and looked down and then looked up to Beckett. She smiled and chuckled slightly, "It's weird, because I already do. I think I got mad at you just because I needed to be mad at someone. Everything has changed. This wasn't supposed to happen."

Kate knew when Alexis said, _this wasn't supposed to happen_ she was speaking of what had happened to her father. Not the petty anger that she had let out on Kate only moments ago. Beckett inhaled.

Kate touched Alexis' chin gently forcing her to look her in the eyes. Alexis' eyes were gloss covered as Kate spoke, "No, of course it wasn't supposed to happen. Though, it did and we are going to have to make this work for all of us. Your father included, okay?"

Alexis nodded yes then a bundle of unsteady words coated in hope spilled out, "We're going to be okay, right?"

"Yes." Beckett said too quickly for either one of them to believe.

Alexis looked away from Kate and inhaled a shaky breath. Then she looked back, "Is that it?"

Kate thought a moment, "I'm scared too." She admitted to the young redhead, feeling she needed to reveal a part of herself to Alexis. It showed she was human.

Alexis looked up to meet Kate's eyes with a trembling lip and then took Kate's hand in her own, "Well, I guess it's better to have someone to be frightened with than to be scared all alone." Alexis rationalized as tears started to make their way down her cheeks.

Kate nodded yes and the two stood and made their way back up to the loft. A new found trust and more importantly an understanding that Kate was trying her best, and yes, it was going to be a hard road for both of them. More than either one could ever care to imagine.

* * *

Kate woke on the couch to the smell of coffee brewing. She sat up and looked around to see Martha and Alexis in the kitchen already.

Martha met Kate's eyes first, "Katherine, good morning."

Alexis glanced in Kate's direction after she finished pouring the whip cream on her coffee.

"Good morning, Martha." Kate smiled a small smile as she stood.

"So…" Martha turned to make sure she was addressing Alexis as well, "What are everyone's plans for today?"

Alexis sipped at her coffee as she waited for Kate to answer first, "I need to go into work for a bit."

"Oh, well okay." Martha turned to face Alexis, "Alexis, dear, do you have any plans for today?"

"No." Alexis looked to Kate and then at her Grams, "Why Grams, what's up?"

"Oh, it's nothing dear." Martha waved her hand at Alexis as if she could hush her, and all at once show her that it was not her problem to worry about.

"Grams, it's obviously something." Alexis pried.

Martha looked to Alexis, "Why don't we go out for lunch and do some shopping today?"

Alexis knew her Grams copping mechanism for most things were to go shopping. She didn't really expect this to be any different, but at the same time she felt that her dad deserved a better way of copping than shopping. What was better? Did she mean a more drastic approach to copping? Hell she didn't know what she meant.

"That would be nice Grams. A bit like a girl's day out." Alexis pondered; knowing that is exactly what her Grams wanted was for her to love her idea.

"Yes, exactly." Martha smiled at Alexis. Alexis didn't really feel like going out, but she knew her Grams wanted to and most of all it would be good for her to get out of the loft. "Well it's settled then." Martha clasped her hands together, "Everyone is going out for the day."

Kate nodded as did Alexis and then Martha disappeared upstairs to most likely change into something to wear today as they wondered around the city. Alexis walked over to Kate and handed her a cup of coffee as she sat beside her.

"That was nice of you to go with your Grams." Kate said and Alexis looked at her odd.

"Well of course, why wouldn't I?" Alexis seemed a bit offended.

Kate smiled to herself knowing full and well that Alexis just wanted to stay home in her pajamas, "You're right Alexis. I don't know what I was thinking. Thanks for the coffee."

Alexis hesitated a moment as silence took over the conversation.

Kate stood and Alexis started, "Is it that obvious?" she asked Kate's back.

Kate turned and sat back down beside the little Castle, "It's okay not to want to do something, but in this instance I feel it's better to keep busy. When you're busy there is more to do and less to think of, you know?"

Alexis nodded yes and Kate stood back up again, "I'm going to go get dressed."

"Will you be here tonight?" Alexis wondered.

Kate inhaled, because she wanted to be, but at some point she had to go back to her apartment. While, she promised to watch over Alexis, that didn't mean she promised to move in for God's sake. "Probably, let's see what happens."

Alexis could agree to that and nodded, "Okay."

Then Kate turned and walked upstairs to change.

Soon everyone was dressed. Kate knocked on Alexis' bedroom door, "Bye Alexis."

Alexis quickly opened the door, "Oh, bye. Did you say goodbye to Grams?"

"Yes." Kate smiled and Alexis felt the moment suddenly become awkward. As if, Kate was forcing herself into a parental figure that she was not use to being in. Only, because she had all too quickly become someone's parental unit, but it wasn't forced.

"Bye, Kate." Alexis said as she watched Kate walk down the stairs. For a weird moment she wanted to follow Kate down the stairs and go with her to the precinct, but only for a moment.

* * *

The elevator to the 12th opened and allowed her to see the bullpen in its entirety. She inhaled a deep breath as she walked in to the room full of detectives. She could feel everyone's eyes on her. She hated it. It felt as if she couldn't breathe, and so she escaped to the break room. That was a mistake. She stood as memories flooded her limbic system. Castle getting the cappuccino machine delivered, because their coffee tasted like, ' _monkey pee mixed with battery acid._ ' And again when the machine exploded and Castle claimed he almost died. The boys and she just laughed at him.

She looked at the door. He should be bursting through it any moment now with that goofy grin. That would have made her happy, would have made her feel like there was a God. Instead she stood in the middle of the break room as it started to spin in slow motion. Memories assaulted her mind yet again. Late night take out, coffee, the boys and Castle. Castle.

"Beckett are you okay?" Ryan asked. She looked up to see Esposito next to him.

Though, what do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know? It was obvious she wasn't okay.

Beckett said nothing and the three stood in the break room in a deafening silence.

* * *

As Alexis and Martha walked out of the door to the loft Alexis noticed that while Beckett had striped the couch and put the blankets in the washer, she hadn't taken her overnight bag with her to work. For a moment that was enough to make Alexis smile slightly. Then her Grams shut the door and they walked down the corridor and out of the building.

* * *

Beckett sat down in one of the chairs as Esposito and Ryan stared at her, "He should be here."

Espo and Ryan nodded in agreement. Then the door to the break room opened as Victoria Gates came bursting through it, "DETECTIVE ESPOSITO?!" He turned to face his captain and gave her a glance. It was only then Gates saw Beckett and inhaled. "You two out. Esposito I will deal with you later."

Beckett watched as the boys left the break room and Gates came and sat down next to her, "Detective why are you here?"

"I need to know what is going on. Detectives Ryan and Esposito need me." Beckett stated.

Victoria Gates inhaled and adjusted her glasses atop her head, "You need more time. You're in no shape to work a case."

With gloss covered eyes Beckett shook her head no, "I'm fine."

Victoria pinched her nose as she exhaled, "You don't really believe that, do you detective?" Beckett looked up and met Gates dark eyes. They were warm, not cold and steely at all. "Sometimes, every now and then, it's okay to let yourself break. You will get better and stronger. Though, it has nothing to do with time, for everyone heals at their own rate. So, take as much time as you need, Beckett. Did throwing yourself into your work help you overcome the loss of your mother?"

His books helped her, "No."

"Go home, detective. That's an order." Gates said.

Then she left Beckett sitting in the break room alone. The sinking feeling was back, she knew she couldn't stay long and she wondered what Espo was getting chewed out for. She aimlessly looked around the break room. Nothing had changed, but everything had changed. Because there was one thing missing and it was something that was irreplaceable. She stood and exhaled a shaky breath as she whispered, "You should have been here."

* * *

Alan Morton worked quickly and was sufficient at what he did. He picked the lock to his client's house and within minutes installed hidden cameras in the house. His boss had told him he would need to know when Alexis Castle, Martha Rodgers and Katherine Beckett were coming or going.

* * *

Alexis paused at a newsstand her jaw hanging. She picked up the paper and quickly showed it to her Grams, "What the hell is this?"

She held out the paper which announced her dad's death on the front page. So, you had to die to get on the front page? That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that it mentioned his only child; _'Alexis Castle'_ was his only heir. This obviously insinuated that she had just inherited a lot of money. It even had a picture of her smiling face hugging her dad at one of his events on it.

"Oh, no." Martha brought her hand to her mouth.

"We should call Kate." Alexis suggested.

"Yes, of course." Martha agreed, "We need to talk to Alan, our attorney, about this too."

Alexis shook her head agreeing with her Grams. The front page was never good, but letting the public know that you just became a multi millionaire was too far. That put Alexis and anyone else that was close to her in danger.

* * *

It was around three o' clock when Beckett answered her cell, "Beckett."

"Katherine, have you seen the front page?" Martha asked.

"No." Beckett said as she waited on the subway.

"Alexis and Richard are on the front page." Martha said.

"What?" Beckett wasn't asking a question and Martha knew it.

"Find a paper. I think what they wrote may have compromised Alexis' and my safety." Martha stated.

Beckett walked over to a stand and looked at the paper. Oh, God. "I just saw one, where are you?"

"We just walked in the door." Martha let her know.

"Okay, I'll be there soon." Kate said and Martha knew she would.

Martha hung up and then turned to Alexis, "She said she would be here soon."

* * *

Alan's boss felt a little guilty as he watched Katherine Beckett rush into the loft from his laptop. Alexis held up the paper to show Kate, and Martha held her hand to her head, worried.

* * *

Beckett finally stopped pacing and looked up to Alexis and Martha, "You're right. Alexis is now more of a risk now that the general public knows that she is Castle's only heir. Though, the public knows that Castle has been married twice before. They may assume that Meredith and Gina didn't sign prenups."

"They didn't." Martha confirmed unaware she was on camera.

Alexis spoke up, "Though, dad wouldn't leave mom with nothing. Gina…okay, she's his publisher. Plus, she's just Gina. She will get enough of that money. Though, that's beside the point. I'm still in danger, and I don't even know from whom! It's not like dad is Steven Spielberg or Brad Pitt anyway." Alexis said insinuating he wasn't very famous.

"Alexis, he may not have been, but the public will think what it wants and people have good imaginations. Besides, we don't even know if you are in danger for sure. It's only a possibility, we should all take precautions." Beckett said, if only she knew that everything she said was being recorded and the three of them were being watched.

"Why this too?" Alexis said as her eyes glossed over and she walked into her Grams arms.

"I don't know, sweetie. I don't know." Martha soothed Alexis as Beckett sat down on the couch her hand rubbing the bridge of her nose. Alexis was right. This wasn't supposed to happen, and he was supposed to be here. Though, that was then, and this was now.

Placing both hands on her head Beckett exhaled, "You should be here."

* * *

Alan Morton's boss watched the three women intently. He noted that none of them were doing well. This would not help them if in fact something were to happen. It would only make it easier for a job to be carried out. Alan's boss smiled a tight lipped crooked smile, and touched the screen, "Soon."


	5. In Our Hearts, Always

In Our Hearts, Always

Tonight Alexis would graduate and give a speech full of wisdom that told her class to go forth successfully and happily into the world. Instead, Alexis didn't go straight to school that morning like the rest of the seniors on their senioritis high. Instead she and her Grams sat across from their attorney Alan Morton.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Rodgers I don't control what goes in the paper. Miss Castle's Father was a relatively prominent author." Morton tried to explain, "Though, it may help if the paper expands on Castle's previous relationships."

"What? No." Alexis cut him off immediately, "Mom, Grams, I, and Beckett are the only ones mentioned in his will and Gina and mom signed a prenup. So, unfortunately the paper is right, besides whatever dad felt necessary to leave Grams, mom, and Kate. I am dad's only heir."

"You are legally seventeen the money is to go to your Grams until you turn eighteen." Morton clarified to Martha the second person on his will.

"Yes, she will be graduating a year early. She won't be eighteen until next year. Her birthday was right on the cutoff date, you know how it is." Martha explained.

"No, I don't have children so I really don't." Alan retorted.

"Are we finished here?" Alexis piped up.

"Almost, your Grams just have to sign a few more things as do you." Morton handed them the papers and then purposely looked to a plant in his office. He had placed a hidden camera in it so his boss could see Alexis and Martha Rodgers at all times.

* * *

Kate heard a knock and looked through the peep hole. It was Alexis. Which, was odd in itself, but even more strange, Martha wasn't with her.

"Alexis?" Beckett questioned and the girl walked in Beckett's apartment without an invite. It reminded Beckett of the way Castle would welcome himself into her apartment. He would waltz right in as if it was his place as well, and with an urgency that whatever he had to say couldn't wait a moment longer.

Alexis rolled her eyes frustrated and started pacing as she drew in a breath and exhaled. Then she stopped and walked up to Beckett, "I…It's just I don't know what to say. I'm the valedictorian of my class and I don't have anything inspirational to tell my class." She sighed and looked into Beckett's mahogany eyes, "What wisdom do I hold?"

Beckett sighed and walked over to the couch and sat. She looked up at Alexis and ran her hand through her hair, "You'll figure it out Alexis."

Alexis walked over and sat next to Kate, "Thank you."

Beckett cocked her head, "For what?"

"Reminding me that even on the worst of days, there is a possibility for joy." Alexis smiled a tight smile and Kate returned it.

"Of course." Kate replied and Alexis stood to leave, "Alexis, I realize you came here alone, but I think it would be best if we went back to the loft together considering recent events."

"True." Alexis smiled knowingly. Beckett couldn't stand being alone in her apartment anymore, and the loft probably felt more like home to her than this lonely cold apartment. "Are you coming to my graduation?"

"If you would like I will." Beckett replied.

"Yeah, of course."

"Let me get a change of clothes for your graduation. Then I'll be ready." Beckett said.

"Okay." Alexis said and as Beckett walked into her room she wondered how different tonight would have been if Castle was here. He would be the most important person at her graduation, not Martha. It was a moment of weakness. She knew that there was no most important, but that was a lie because at all of Kate's big achievement's in life. The one person that she wanted to be there the most never was. Her father was a drunk, and her mother was dead. There was always one person missing, and she hoped that Alexis would be able to cope tonight better than she did. Because Kate realized this was going to be a turning moment in Alexis' life.

* * *

Alexis and Kate walked into the loft and Martha came down stairs in a hurry, "Alexis, thank God. I've been trying to get a hold of you. I know you said you needed to see Katherine about something, but you can't just disappear like that when you might have a mad man after you!"

"Grams, I'm okay. It's okay, I'm fine and we're home now." Alexis calmed her Grams down as she Martha hugged Alexis and then looked to Katherine quizzically.

"Alexis invited me to her graduation. Plus, I felt she shouldn't be taking a cab home by herself with everything that is going on." Kate explained.

"Kate, you don't need an invitation, and at least someone is thinking straight." Martha said about the cab ride.

* * *

Alexis was in her room getting ready, Martha was in her room, and Beckett was in the shower. Alan Morton's camera could see Alexis and Martha go into their rooms, but only had a recorder inside the rooms.

Alan's boss listened to Alexis rehearse her speech over and over again, most likely in front of the mirror. He heard Martha on another monitor whisper to herself, "You should see her Richard. Alexis is so beautiful, inside and out. Katherine's trying so hard to be there for her. I think…I think Alexis likes her presence, wants her here. She's been staying at the loft lately. I don't think she realizes how much she is here." Martha shrugged and sighed, "…Maybe she does. I don't know, but she's here and that is all that matters." Martha rolled her eyes, "Meredith sure isn't here."

Beckett inhaled, there was one room left to get ready in only she didn't know if she was ready to walk around the vacant room. Soon she was starring at herself in Castle's bathroom mirror. The sinking feeling started and she turned to the toilet and flipped the lid up. Her lunch now gone, she started to feel a bit dizzy, and sat on his bed to gather her racing thoughts. As a tear rolled down her face, and she closed her eyes.

* * *

Kate and Martha couldn't find a place in the front row, but they were close, and that would have to do. Soon the auditorium was silent except for Alexis' voice. Kate saw her search the crowd and knew what she was thinking. Someone was missing. Kate flashed back to the last time she stood at a podium and inhaled deeply.

Martha took her hand and Alexis started to speak, "There is a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends. As much as I've looked forward to this day, I've always disliked endings. The last day of summer, the final chapter of a great book, parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall, you close the book, you say goodbye. Today is one of those days for us. Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar. Everything that was comfortable. We're moving on. But just because that hurts, there are some people who are part of us they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our North Star, and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us always."

Alexis heard everyone clap, and she searched the crowd again to wave at her Grams and Beckett. Then she went back to her seat in slow motion. Her name was called, but the kid next to her had to tell her they called her name. She got up, walked across the stage, received her diploma, and sat down. When the last kid's name was called everyone stood and threw their hats up in the air and then scattered, full of excitement and joy. Alexis watched as her friends took pictures with their families, everyone was so happy.

Though, someone was missing and in that moment standing in the auditorium Alexis felt betrayed, because he said he would be here, and he wasn't. She realized her mother wasn't either and in that moment standing there, her lipstick done her gown, which showed she had received multiple honors. It didn't matter anymore, because the one person who mattered the most wasn't even here.

Beckett and Martha walked up to her.

"Congratulations graduate!" Martha exclaimed proud of her granddaughter.

Beckett smiled a tight lipped smile, "You okay?"

"Alexis! Oh My God! We graduated! We did it!" A friend of hers ran up to her and disappeared back into the crowd as fast as she appeared.

Another friend ran up to her and hugged her, "We did it!"

The girl looked around and Alexis introduced Beckett and Martha. They exchanged pleasantries, and then her friend turned back to her, "Where is your dad? One of his book tours?"

Thankfully, one of her friend's family members came running up to her, "Rachel, come on dad and mom want a family picture."

Alexis looked to Kate and shook her head back and forth, answering her question with the tears that streamed down her face. She quickly wiped them away, and inhaled. It was in that moment she realized her speech was true, and endings were inevitable, but so were beginnings. She was going to have to make her own beginnings in life from now on. She could do it. She had no choice.

"Thanks Grams." Alexis inhaled and gave her a hug. Then walked off to find some of her friends, this was probably the last time she would see most of them, and like she said, you close the book, you say goodbye. But just because that hurts, there are some people who are part of us they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our North Star, and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us always. Her dad would always be one of those small clear voices in her heart.

* * *

Alexis opted not to go to any parties, it was too soon. She thought she could manage, but she ended up going out to dinner with Kate and her Grams instead. She thanked them for the cards she received, but realized there was not going to be a card from her father.

Beckett realized Alexis was trying her hardest, but was worn out.

"I'm pretty tired. Do you guys want to go home?" Kate said and Alexis and Martha smiled.

No one called Kate out on her slip up.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Alexis said and Martha agreed.

* * *

Soon everyone had changed into their pajamas and was wandering around the apartment. Alan Morton's boss watched as Alexis and Kate both sat down on the couch and turned on the television. Then he was called away by one of his employees, but left the cameras rolling.

"Tonight I realized he won't be here for Christmas or college graduation." Alexis whispered.

Kate drew in a breath and let it out, "I know. I'm sorry Alexis."

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Alexis wondered, changing the subject.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?"

"I don't know we'll figure it out."

"Sounds good to me." Beckett smiled.

"I'm going to use the restroom first. I'll be right back." Alexis stated.

"Okay." Beckett said and curled up into a large blanket on the couch.

Alexis started to head upstairs, but paused looking at her father's room. She felt she was ready to walk into the room now. As she pushed open the door she could hear her Grams talking to Kate, but blocked it out. She stood in the room a moment and looked around the room. Everything had changed, yet nothing had changed, not one thing. She inhaled and walked into the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror a moment and then she closed her eyes. It was still too much as she stood there facing the mirror; the small room spun in slow motion, and as she turned to leave that was the moment she knew.

* * *

She came out of the bathroom and sat next to Kate, "I used my dad's bathroom." Her voice was a whisper.

Kate looked at Alexis curious, "You okay?"

"Are you?" Alexis retorted, and Kate sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

"It's complicated." Kate replied.

"No, no it's really not. You're either pregnant or you're not." Alexis replied.

Kate's mind raced with memories, but they all ended the same. A night filled with passion in which she'd never told him that she loved him, never voiced it as he had. Now, here she sat without him, his 17 year old daughter calling her out on her secret.

* * *

No idea what you guys think, but here it is...reviews will be helpful. I've never done a fic like this before...


	6. A Lost Beat, An Extra One

A Lost Beat, An Extra One

Kate's mind spun and then came to a halt meeting Alexis'. The red head stared at her expecting an answer, but Kate only inhaled deeply and closed her eyes as she let out a deep breath while running her hands through her hair.

"No one knows, do they?" Alexis pried.

Kate shook her head no and Alexis inhaled, and then settled into the extra blanket on the couch.

"Dad knew." Alexis said suddenly.

"No. I just found out myself about a month ago." Kate tried to reassure Alexis.

Alexis smiled a wry smile at Kate, "No. That's why you're on the will as well. Dad just knows things. He might not have said anything, but I'm sure he knew."

"I don't think so Alexis." Kate stated.

"How often does dad miss the little things in life? He doesn't leave out the details. He taught me that there is always a story, and he is usually the first to figure out the ending. You said you found out about a month ago. He was alive a month ago. I'm telling you Kate, _he knew."_ Alexis stated factually.

Kate didn't feel like arguing with Castle's daughter, but the fact of the matter was she didn't find out until the night she came home from the hospital, and Castle was gone by then. They made her pee in one of those cups even though she swore she wasn't pregnant they still needed a pregnancy test, just to be sure is what the nurse said. When she went in after Castle she had been shot in the chest and while the impact fractured a rib, she'd had a heavy duty vest protecting her. The medics checked her out, but not first without a urine sample.

Then, just to be sure the hospital didn't make a mistake she picked up a pregnancy test on the way over to Castle's. She hadn't felt well, but chalked it up to stress. Though, deep down she knew the test was going to be positive. The hospital was much more reliable than a store bought test.

"Yeah, maybe you're right, maybe he did." Kate gave in to Alexis. It was a nice thought. She wished it were true, wished he knew.

Alexis pulled the blanket around her more out of comfort than the temperature of the loft.

"When did you plan on telling someone?" Alexis wondered.

Kate looked up and met Alexis' eyes. She honestly didn't know when she was going to tell anyone. Hell, she didn't know what she was going to do. She was going to keep the baby, but only because of whom the father was. She didn't have to tell Alexis, but now her secret was out and she was pretty sure Alexis had no intention of keeping her secret until she was ready to tell people. Variables had inevitably changed, but that was life.

She supposed honesty was best, "I didn't have a set time."

Alexis drew in a breath and let it out slowly, "We should tell my Grams."

Kate knew she shouldn't ask her to keep her secret as well. It wasn't right, but she just wasn't ready to tell anyone. Yes, Alexis had a right to know as the child would be her half sibling, but Kate wasn't ready to tell anyone.

Kate said nothing only eyed Alexis a bit and drew in a breath in the dark. She heard the background noise of the television, the glow of the television lit up Alexis' face. Her eyes reminded Kate of Castle's right now, a kaleidoscope of grey and blue that stared at her with more intensity than the darkest ocean.

Kate challenged, "When?"

Alexis knew it wasn't the answer she wanted, "Tomorrow."

Kate rubbed at her face and ran her hand threw her hair once more.

"Alexis, I can't, not yet." Kate tried to sound convincing.

"You should at least tell my Grams." Alexis argued.

Kate quickly thought rationally. Alexis was usually a pretty rational person. Then again she was Castle's daughter, "It's still early in the pregnancy. I need to wait, wait until after my first doctor appointment." Kate tried once more, "At least until I'm ten or twelve weeks."

Alexis inhaled and looked deep into Kate's scared and confused dark eyes, contemplating the issue.

Beckett got a bit more comfortable as she spoke, "I'm a high risk pregnancy as I'm stressed, and my job isn't exactly an easy one. If your Grams knew of the pregnancy and something happened to me or the baby…"

"Okay, okay." Alexis knew Kate was right, but she didn't feel like even hearing the rest of her sentence.

"Thanks, Alexis." Kate hated placing the stress on Alexis as well, but if anything happened it would break Martha.

"Can you at least tell her around ten weeks?" Alexis wondered.

For the first time since she found out about the pregnancy Kate smiled a bit, "Yeah."

"Do you still want to watch a movie?" Alexis surprised Kate with the question. It was so late.

"Sure. What do you want to watch?" Kate asked.

"Do you like John Woo? I still haven't seen Mission Impossible: II." Alexis had a feeling with Kate's job and all that had happened they weren't going to be watching the movie.

"Love him." Kate smiled and Alexis got up to get the DVD out of her father's huge collection.

As the movie began the two women snuggled up and got comfortable on the couch.

* * *

By the time the credits rolled Beckett looked over to Alexis. She was out like a light. Beckett stood up and covered Alexis with the blanket. As she watched the seventeen year old sleeping on the couch she inhaled a shaky breath. Would she be a good mother? She wasn't really a kid person. Though, she'd heard others who never wanted children say that once they had their own child, everything changed. She wondered if that were true, but most of all she feared, feared that she wouldn't be a good parent. Castle had raised such a bright, ambitious, and good person. Failure had never been an option to her in her life. Though, it had always been a fear of hers. That is what drove her obsession with her mother's murder. She was scared she would fail her. Now with this pregnancy, she shared not only a powerful emotional, but physical connection to Castle. Now, she feared failing Castle.

She brushed some of Alexis' hair out of her face and turned to pick up the remote on the table. Once she turned off the television she realized that Alexis could wake in the middle of the night and wander into her room. She looked at Castle's bedroom and padded her way into it. Soon she found herself staring at the bed, a tear tickled her skin as it made its way down her cheek. On autopilot she pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed.

She'd been in this bed before, alone, and with him. The first night she had fallen asleep alone in his bed was not a good night. Though, tonight as she hugged the comforter she felt a sense of security. Wherever he was she hoped he knew, knew how much she did in fact love him. She closed her eyes and smiled as she imagined him next to her.

* * *

 _Her now sweaty body felt the air conditioning kick on and she shivered in the early morning hours. He woke and noticed she was sitting up, her bare back against the headboard._

" _Kate?" She looked down at him in question, as his head rest on her stomach and she ran her hands through his hair. Then he sat up and motioned for her to come to him. She lay down and he lay beside her, holding her. His touch warmed her immediately._

 _Last night she had let her defenses fall to the floor with her clothes, venerable and fragile she knew there was only one person she wanted to see, one person, she wanted to be with her when her walls came down. Now, she lay engulfed in his arms, as she not only let him hold her. She wanted him to._

 _For the first time in what seemed like forever this wasn't meaningless sex to her. Castle made her feel, made her realize that love was in fact real, and showed her what making love was. When she made love to him it was much more than physical. The emotional connection she shared with him was like no other emotion she had ever felt before. She trusted him completely, trusted him with her heart. She had cried, literally cried. She never cried._

" _Kate?" Castle wondered if she was still awake._

" _Hhhmm?"_

" _I love you." He admitted once again and kissed her temple._

 _She smiled at him as she turned to face him, "I know."_

 _Then she met her lips to his and ran her hand through his hair as she met her lips to his once more._

" _Hold me?" She hadn't had anyone just hold her in, God she couldn't remember. In that moment she realized in his arms she felt safe, she always had. In that moment everything felt right, everything. She wanted to stay this way forever._

" _Always." He smiled as she looked him in the eyes and then wrapped her hands around his neck and nuzzled her head into his chest as he kissed her crown._

Suddenly, she opened her eyes and drew in a breath. She rolled over and looked at the made up side of the large king size bed. All of a sudden, reality hit her and she realized it was just a memory. She was now the only one in the bed, alone. Though, as she lay there she began to recognize she wasn't alone. Slowly, she brought her hand to her abdomen. Her eyes full of awe mixed with curiosity as she gradually looked down to where her hand rest. She smiled slightly as she realized while one heart had stopped, an extra now beat.

* * *

Alan Morton sighed as he reviewed the footage of Kate and Alexis on the couch. He was pretty sure his boss wouldn't be too thrilled with the news of this other heir. It meant transferring more money around, which would now make his job harder. Seeing as how the account wasn't in Alexis' name until next year, and Beckett's pregnancy was high risk meant the baby could be born early. Shit. This meant one extra person to watch after. Alan Morton drew in a breath and called his boss.

* * *

I'm still a bit unsure of this. Personally, I'm not a fan of Kate being pregnant, but every writer has his/her muse and I gave it a go. Let me know what you think...thanks. Also, Kate is keeping this secret for a reason. To miscarry this pregnancy would devastate Martha, and Kate would have to deal with so many (painful condolences) and questions from her friends. Generally, people wait until 10-12 weeks to tell people anyway. Especially, if you know it's a high risk pregnancy. Kate is only 4 weeks right now. She is sparing others anymore pain if something were to happen to her.

Oh, I guess try not to say the p word in reviews it's like bam spoiler alert for other readers. Well, I guess it's only if people read reviews before they read the story. I guess I can't be picky lol. I just hope you guys like the story and how I'm writing Alexis and Beckett's relationship in this. Those two are like oil and water.


	7. Extra Footage

Extra Footage

"Sir, we have a problem." Alan called his boss immediately after viewing the extra footage.

"Okay, well fix it." His boss tried.

Alan sighed, "Sir, Alexis is not the only heir."

"Alan, yes she is. We've been over this. The account will not be in her name until she becomes eighteen. We have a year until that happens. So, relax." Alan's boss reminded him they had an entire year.

"I know we have a year with Alexis' inheritance, but what about the cop's kid?"

"What are you talking about?" Alan's boss was confused.

"Katherine Beckett is pregnant." Alan Morton revealed.

The other end of the line was silent as Alan's boss leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and rubbed his hand over his face, "Who else knows?"

"Just Alexis." Alan reassured his boss.

"Why would she tell Alexis?" Alan's boss didn't realize he was speaking out loud.

"I'll send you the extra footage of when she told her. I don't believe she intended to do so, well, at least not at first." Alan exhaled into the phone as he remembered the footage. He was never particularly close to Castle, but as he watched the footage of Kate telling Alexis she was in fact pregnant. It even stirred emotion in a cold hearted attorney.

"Please do." Alan's boss said and then hung up the phone immediately.

Alan highlighted the footage he needed, clicked a few keys on the computer and e-mailed it to his boss.

* * *

Alexis' eyes fluttered open slowly and she realized she had fallen asleep on the couch. She sat up slowly and rubbed at her head. Suddenly, her eyes became wide and her hand still as she stopped rubbing her head and memories of last night flooded her limbic system full force. _Yes, I'm pregnant. About a month ago. We should tell Grams. High risk. Let's wait until I'm ten to twelve weeks. No one knows do they?_ Holy Shit Kate was pregnant and she'd agreed to keep it a secret from her Grams until Kate was past at least ten weeks. Alexis heard her dad's bedroom door open and turned to meet Kate's eye.

Kate paused outside Castle's bedroom door as Alexis' cerulean blues pierced her own coffee colored irises. There was an awkward silence as Kate stood a moment and the two stared at each other. Alexis had quickly realized Detective Beckett had become much more than just Beckett. Now Kate and she shared a secret that strangely enough, Alexis was okay with keeping. In some weird and wonderful way she had a feeling this was going to bring them closer together. She remembered when her father was inside the bank and she had first arrived on the scene. Kate assured her that they would be okay. Alexis had said they better be because they were all she had. Kate felt Alexis' eyes on her a bit longer as she walked into the kitchen and started the coffee.

The coffee finished Alexis sat drinking a cup on the couch. She noticed Beckett never did pour herself a cup. Alexis and Beckett still hadn't said a word to one another except the cordial morning or a comment about the coffee. Suddenly, Kate sat down next to Alexis on the couch, "I don't want this to come between us."

Alexis let out a breath, "I know. Me neither."

Kate glanced at the stairs. Alexis smiled, "Give Grams at least five more minutes. She gets up after I finish my first cup of coffee. You start the coffee the same time as dad and me."

Kate smiled, "Good to know. So, are we okay?"

Alexis chuckled lightly, "We're good."

"I smell coffee." Martha came sashaying down the stairs and into the kitchen. Alexis glanced at Kate as the two shared a smile.

* * *

Alan's boss opened his laptop and clicked on the link that Alan had sent him. Suddenly, a video appeared and he clicked play. Alexis came storming out of Castle's room and sat down on the couch beside Beckett. She then proceeded to question Beckett telling her that it really wasn't that complicated. She was either pregnant or she wasn't. Beckett didn't deny it and told Alexis she had found out a month earlier. Alan's boss watched as Katherine Beckett divulged a lot of personal information to the seventeen year old girl. Neither woman cried, but Morton's boss could tell both of their hearts were breaking. The two hearts on the couch held so much pain. He himself had a daughter and the video was a hard watch.

For the two people speaking on the couch the air still hung heavy with death, yet in that same conversation the powerful revelation of life existed. It was an unexpected turn of events, and while most would consider an unexpected heir bad news. Alan's boss just stared at the screen a moment and then closed his eyes a peculiar smile graced his face. This could be bad, but only if he let it get to that point. He let out a deep content breath. He was not going to let that child come into this world without affecting his or her life first. He had dealt with challenges before and he had overcome them. This would be no different. Alan would just have to make a few more transfers than before. Yes, it was a wonderful thing. He picked up the phone and immediately dialed Alan.

* * *

The three women meandered around the loft for a bit when Alexis came down stairs in jogging attire, "I'm going to go meet my friend for coffee and then we're going for a run. I'll see you guys later."

"Okay, just be careful Alexis." Her Grams called and Alexis smiled and waved as she left.

Kate inhaled tired of being inside all day when she was use to a life of action. These past couple of days had not been kind to her emotional, physical, or mental state and she knew getting out of the loft would do her good. She looked to Martha, "And I need to go and check on my apartment."

"Oh. Yes, that's true." Martha said obviously down.

In all honestly Kate wanted to go alone to her apartment and maybe drop by the precinct later but Martha looked depressed, "Would you like to come Martha? Maybe we can get something to eat afterwards."

"Oh, darling that would be lovely, but I just realized I told a friend of mine I was going to meet them for coffee." Martha smiled.

"That's great Martha when?" Beckett asked.

"She asked to meet her yesterday and she just text me that she's at Java on 12th now." Martha smiled tightly this time and laughed a bit, "I told her I was on my way. She hasn't known me long enough not to believe me." Martha laughed and Kate smiled.

As Martha headed upstairs she smiled for the first time in a long time, because while there were moments where she still cried. She also felt hope and sometimes she even laughed and that was a wonderful feeling.

Beckett was the last to lock up the loft and before she left she stood at the threshold of the door a moment. It was her moment alone, her moment where she wondered if maybe this was all just a dream and she was going to wake up any minute. She didn't realize it, but her hand had gravitated to her abdomen where it now rest. She closed her eyes and inhaled then she opened her eyes, locked the door, and walked down the familiar corridor.

* * *

Martha rushed into Java her hand to her head and slid into the booth across from her friend, "Oh, my Lord. I'm so sorry Lorie. You'd never believe the traffic out there today."

"No, it's fine. I agree traffic is horrible today." Of course traffic had been fine, and Martha had just left late. "So, how are you doing?"

"Let's get some coffee or eh is it too early for a drink? Then I'll tell you about it." Martha smiled.

"Sounds like a perfect idea." Lorie agreed, but Martha had a feeling she would.

* * *

Alexis' friend ended up not being able to make it because she had to watch her younger sibling. Alexis now sat in the coffee shop alone her hair in a high ponytail. She didn't plan on getting anything to drink before she ran, and now she needed to run more than ever. She wasn't sure if she was glad her friend wasn't able to make it or disappointed. Her mind raced as she excited the coffee shop and she swore her thoughts picked up speed the faster she ran. Once in the park her thoughts turned into the fast lane, triggered by the simplest of things. She thought about the text message she received from her friend Gabby earlier at the coffee shop. She couldn't go running because of a _little sibling._ Alexis had always been an only child. How different was this going to be? She liked the idea of a sibling, well; at least she told herself she did. She didn't really have time to not like the idea. This child was all that was left of her father. Would it be a boy a girl? Would Kate make it past ten weeks or would she ask her to live with the secret of a miscarriage for the rest of her life?

She started to run faster and faster, and she'd turned the music up almost as loud as it could go. Though, no matter how fast she ran or how loud she turned up the music the fast lane was becoming too much too fast and the noise, the damn noise was impossible to drowned out. Her eyes started to well and she slowed to a stop catching her breath she bent over for a second. Hands on her knees she closed her eyes squeezed them tight, inhaled and then stood straight cracking her knuckles and running her hand over her face. She knew deep down she would never be able to out run the constant racing thoughts that bombarded her mind. So, she chose to welcomed them. It was much easier to confront the thoughts than run from them. At her graduation she had told her class that everything eventually ends. In that moment she realized it was okay to hold on to the past, as long as she didn't lose sight of the future. You can't outrun your past for it will always catch up to you, no matter your speed. She looked up, inhaled, put one foot in front of the other, and started running at a normal pace again.

* * *

"So, has the cop he followed around moved in with you? I don't mean to pry. It's just she seems as if she has." Lorie stated.

Martha sighed and rolled her eyes, "I don't know what to do with that woman. She's the best thing that ever happened to my son, but she is the most complicated, sweetest little thing I've ever met."

Lorie cocked her head in question, "Explain."

Martha looked around trying to grasp words to explain Katherine, "Ah! She is a brave woman, except when it comes to love."

Lorie drew in a breath and then exhaled, "I'm sorry for her. How is she with your granddaughter?"

"She is marvelous, couldn't be better. You know it's funny too because while the two always got along splendid. I would have never seen the two acting so…so…"

"So what?" Lorie pushed.

"Friendly with one another. Katherine is a very private person. She isn't a kid person." Martha pointed out.

Lorie frowned and rested her hand on top of Martha's as she lowered her voice, "They both lost the man they loved. They may not have anything in common, but they are drawn together by one common denominator and that is the love they share for your son."

Martha smiled sadly as she put her own hand on top of her friends and whispered, "Thank you. I needed that."

* * *

Beckett was sitting in front of her couch on the floor of her apartment. She'd been at the apartment for over an hour. Though, this time it wasn't because she had broken down in the shower and Esposito had to come and rescue her. No. This time it was because it had taken over an hour to first decide what she was going to do and then act on it. Now she had gathered most of her things, and was looking around what she had come to consider her old place. She drew in a breath and stood as she walked into her bedroom. Her once raw red stained tears from her broken heart started to turn a normal clear color. A color that didn't stain her floors, but she knew they were in fact stained. She would never be able to undo the red floors of her room. It would be a forever reminder that some wounds are too deep to ever heal. That is what made her make up her mind. She knew she had to leave the apartment as it would never be inhabitable for her again. So, she packed her bags and hoped Alexis and Martha wouldn't mind if she stayed with them until she found another place. Though, deep down she wondered, did she really want any other place, but the loft? Ricks presence was strong at the loft and while some would think that would be a hindrance to her, she viewed his room as a strength. Every night that she lay her head to rest on his pillow she wasn't reminded of one of the worst nights of her life spent curled up in a shower, but of good memories. It was almost as if his bed recharged her batteries every night. Maybe, even though she knew it was an irrational thought, her unborn _their_ unborn child could feel him too. So, maybe she should just wait a while until she found another place? She knew the answer to that question and so did Martha and Alexis.

* * *

"Alan Morton speaking." Alan didn't expect the man on the other end of the line to call him so early.

"Katherine Beckett's child won't be a problem." Alan Morton's boss assured Alan.

"Sir, how can you say that? Surely this child will inherit money as well." Alan replied

"Alan, a problem is only a problem if you let it become one. I don't plan on any problems." Alan Morton's boss replied casually.

"Forgive me for asking, but how so?" Alan questioned.

"I'll be coming to the states sometime before next year." Alan's boss stated.

"What?! Sir, it's fine. I can do this myself!" Alan tried to reassure his boss, knowing full and well he would only leave if something major was to come up. Alan was good at his job, but he still knew he wasn't as skilled as his boss.

"An unexpected state of events has taken place. Alan, you're not able to handle this particular event." Alan's boss hung up and left Alan listening to a mute line, wondering what in the hell was going on.

* * *

So, what the hell _is_ going on? I hope you guys are still actually into this story. I'm sorry I've taken forever to post... I'm working on a book too. Again sorry, no excuse. lmk what you think. Thanks!


	8. Clandestine Revelations

Clandestine Revelations

Alexis now finished with her run walked into the loft, but stopped short. She could hear her Grams and Beckett, but couldn't see them. She walked toward the study and noticed much more of Beckett's stuff lying inside of it. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on. Beckett was moving in. Wow. Beckett was moving in. It's not like she didn't already live there, but this, this made everything seem so much more final. Beckett moving in held finality to her father's death. It wasn't closure, but it was a major step in that direction. It was a direction in which Alexis had no control over. Her hands were bound and she was only following Beckett's lead. Keeping Beckett's secret was starting to where on the teenager and it hadn't even been a week. If Alexis felt this way she couldn't imagine what Kate felt like.

"Alexis, you're back." Kate said more of a question than a statement and Martha noted the awkward interaction between her granddaughter and Katherine.

"Yeah, my friend had to watch her little sister. So, we never met up for coffee." Alexis said as she walked into the kitchen and started to brew some coffee for an ice coffee of her own.

Martha looked at Katherine knowing she had her demons too. They all seemed to have their demons lately. Kate glanced at Alexis, "I wish you could have met your friend."

Alexis lifted her blue eyes to meet Kate's, "It's fine." Alexis shrugged as she poured her coffee onto ice and then took it upstairs.

* * *

Martha walked over to Katherine and sighed, "Dear, when were you planning on telling me?" She raised a brow at Beckett.

"How…?" Kate started as Alexis disappeared upstairs.

Martha shook her head, "A mother just knows these things. You aren't drinking coffee, didn't have a glass of wine at dinner the other night, and Alexis is clearly hiding something."

Kate walked over and sat down on the couch with a sigh, a prisoner of her own history. Kate wondered could he hear her when she spoke to him. She needed him right now to hold her. She was stuck inside her own four walls and she needed him to take all of the sadness away.

"I miss him so much, Martha. I don't know what to do. What if I fail him?" All of Katherine's insecurities came pouring out and Martha leaned in and held her.

"Oh, dear, you could never fail him." Martha pulled back and looked into her eyes, "How far along are you?"

"Not far at all. Only about nine weeks, but it does feel good to tell someone other than, Alexis." Kate exhaled a weight she didn't know she was carrying.

"It's about time." Martha agreed and Kate smiled, and then started to tear up.

"Martha, I don't know if I can do this without him." Martha tucked Kate's hair behind her ear and started to tear up herself.

"Of course you can Katherine, of course you can." Martha smiled a tight smile at Kate and whispered, "I did and so did Rick."

"That's just it. You and Rick both raised children on your own with no help, and now I'm expected to be okay with asking for help? How is that okay?"

Alexis looked down at her Grams embracing Kate and in that moment she knew what they were speaking about. Alexis didn't know what to do. It seemed like it was a private moment, one that she wasn't supposed to interrupt, and so she just stood at the top of the staircase looking down on her Grams and Kate. She supposed she should feel a bit jealous, but she wasn't at all. Instead she felt a flood of relief wash over her.

* * *

Castle watched the extra footage his attorney, Alan had caught of Alexis' big blue wide eyed discovery of Kate's secret the entire flight back from Paris. He had watched the women he loved graduate high school, bury him, and confide in one another even when they didn't realize they were consoling each other. He had put them through so much and he felt awful for it. They would be pissed if they knew he had been with his father this whole time. He was supposed to be in a type of witness protection program, and he was supposed to stay there. That is until he found out Kate was pregnant. His father tried to convince him not to go back, but it was too late. It was _his_ Kate. Money would have to be transferred which made more work for Alan. Though, Alan wasn't Castle's boss. Castle was his own boss and he had a miracle to get back to as soon as possible.

* * *

" _Castle?" two multilayered coffee colored canyons looked up into his kaleidoscope of grey and blue. Her hair hung in loose curls against his chest. She lay beautifully bare chested atop of him. Her eyes searched his for a reply._

" _Hhmm?" he tucked her hair behind her ear._

" _I like this, us." Kate smiled her thousand watt smile as she took his bottom lip into her own._

" _Babe, I love this, us." Castle murmured in response._

* * *

Kate closed her eyes and dropped her head and Martha placed a hand on her arm, "Katherine, is everything alright?" Martha asked and Alexis watched from the top of the stairwell as the rest of Beckett's story unraveled before her.

She shook her head no, "I never told him how I felt." Beckett's dark eyes locked onto Martha's stormy blue ones.

"He knew honey, believe me he knew." Martha said as tears streamed down her face and she embraced Katherine.

* * *

So, to those who read the new chapter - spoiler alert.


	9. Back From The Dead

Okay, here is your new chapter. One no I'm not done with fanfic 2) I broke my finger & hand which led to invasive surgery with bone removal and a new joint made with pins. 3) I'm basically happy I can finally dress myself and just started typing as my own form of therapy. I have very limited mobility in one finger. 4) Hope you like it and I hope everyone watched x files lol

9

Back From The Dead

Night fell upon the loft and Kate was once again the last to go to bed. For now she sipped some tea on the couch, her legs pulled up under her in thought. There were so many memories she had with him. Why did she wait so long to tell him? It was too late now. There was not going to be an again, except in her dreams. What would she tell this child, _their_ child? How would she describe their relationship to him or her when she had tried so hard to forget him? Mourning him had been too painful, too much. While she had lost a loved one before, one never really learns to cope with loss. Instead one learns to survive one day at a time.

Kate was so deep in thought she didn't hear Alexis walk downstairs, "Kate?" she looked to the teen, but didn't move. "Someone is at the door."

Kate went into Castle's bedroom and grabbed her weapon. Upon exiting the room she mouthed to Alexis to go upstairs. Though, she knew the little Castle would stick around to see what was going on just like her father.

Kate looked through the peephole and went pale. She unlocked the door and Castle went to embrace her. Instead she inhaled and took a few steps backward. Kate shook her head no as if to convince herself Castle was not real. Suddenly, she realized he could be in danger and this could be a trap. She raised her weapon at him, "Alexis, stay there and call Esposito and Ryan. Now!"

Alexis looked at Kate and then to her father and quickly did as she was told.

"Yo. What's up Alexis?" Esposito answered groggily.

"My dad just walked in and Kate said to call you and Ryan. I don't know what is going on. I just know my dad is here at the loft." Alexis said.

Esposito was putting on clothes as he spoke to the confused and frightened Castle, "Ryan and I are on the way, hang tight Alexis."

"Okay." Alexis continued to watch everything unfold in front of her as she stood frozen on the staircase.

* * *

Castle raised his hands and smiled, "Don't shoot."

Kate looked at him oddly, her head cocked to the side slightly.

"You're kidding, right?" Kate asked. This was no time for his playful jokes. Hell she never thought she would see him again to begin with.

"I know what I had to do was, well, awful. I understand that I put you guys through a lot. I missed a lot." Castle explained.

"You died, Rick! We attended your funeral!" Kate lowered her weapon, "Now, where have you been?"

Castle closed his eyes and rubbed at his face, "I can't say."

"Well isn't that convenient, Rick? What about Alexis and Martha? They deserve to know something!" Kate was livid and Alexis knew her father's sudden return was not only confusing for everyone, but Kate was a high risk pregnancy and needed to not be stressed. At this particular moment Martha walked down the stairs and Alexis held her hand up to her mouth signaling Martha to keep quiet. Kate's heart was about to burst, her blood boiling.

Martha eyed Rick immediately, "Oh my God."

"Esposito and Ryan are on their way." Alexis explained to her Grams.

Kate closed her eyes, but when she opened them he still stood right in front of her. "What am I supposed to think? You should have told me or someone that you knew the whole time in the bank you were fine…" Suddenly, everything had become way too real and Kate wiped away tears letting out a shaky breathe. Castle started to walk over to her and embraced her as she closed her eyes and let herself breathe him in a moment.

"No." she pulled out of his embrace, "You can't just waltz in back from the dead and expect everything to be the same Castle."

"I know." Castle went to take her in his arms again, but she stepped away.

"No, you don't. You have no idea how much has changed." Kate walked over and sat on the couch her head in her arms.

Alexis looked to Martha worried, "Should we go downstairs?"

"No, wait for Ryan and Esposito." Martha reassured herself and Alexis.

"Castle, I'm pregnant." Kate revealed.

Castle smiled, "I know."

"What do you mean you know?" Kate stood up and took another step back. Alexis and Martha stood up as Esposito and Ryan came in the front door, weapons aimed at Castle. Castle took a step toward Beckett, "Castle, what do you mean you knew? I never told you. The only person that knows is Alexis."

Castle lowered his head, "I had cameras on your whereabouts. I needed to make sure you were safe."

Alexis watched as the avalanche in the living room came tumbling down, "You had cameras on us? Castle you left us without telling anyone what was going on. I believed you were dead for God's sake, we all did! Do you know what I had Castle? A broken heart, a sudden sixteen year old, and a blood test and home pregnancy test that confirmed...what you already knew…I don't think you realize how hard I've tried to put you out of my mind. You can't just come back like this!" Kate said grabbing her sweatshirt and putting it on as she walked out of the loft.

Castle looked up to his daughter and mother while Ryan and Esposito stood frozen a moment. Alexis ran down the stairs and Castle opened his arms to her, but she stopped in front of him. "Dad, Kate took your loss hard. You can't expect her to fall back into your arms after what has happened. She watched the building blow with you inside of it. She kept it together and comforted us. Until now she's tried her hardest to forget you. If you don't remember it doesn't hurt as bad and now she has to be a mother sooner rather than later."

Rick continued to stare at his daughter as he felt himself being engulfed in a hug by Martha. There is nothing like a mother's love. He watched as Alexis inhaled and walked over to talk to Ryan and Esposito in a daze. In the months he had been gone Alexis had grown up. Unfortunately, everything she had been through had hardened her. She wasn't his naïve little girl anymore. He knew Kate had been staying at the loft for a while and Alexis had become Kate's little sidekick. Castle noticed traits she had started to pick up from Katherine Beckett. He inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath. Kate was right, things had changed.

* * *

Alexis decided to tell the boys what was going on or at least what she understood of it.

"What was all of that about?" Esposito asked and Ryan crossed his arms.

"Kate's pregnant, apparently dad knew because he was able to see us on cameras from wherever he was to keep an eye on us. Obviously, Kate didn't take dad's return too well. I honestly don't know much. I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel. Of course I'm thrilled dad is alive and well, but the shock and emotional havoc his supposed death caused everyone…"

"If you are okay, I'm going to head home, Alexis. I left Jenny in a hurry without much of an explanation." Ryan explained.

"I'm fine, go." Alexis stated.

Esposito looked at Castle sitting on the couch, Martha beside him and then looked to Alexis. "What about Kate?"

"I know where she is." Alexis inhaled because Esposito didn't attempt to leave. "I'll text you when I find her, promise." She reassured him.

"Fine, you better." Esposito said and Alexis drew in a breath as she followed him out of the loft. She took the elevator down to the lobby and as he walked outside Alexis waved goodbye then walked back into the lobby then walked down the corridor that lead to the ladies room.

She didn't call for instead she listened to the muffled tears coming from the only occupied stall. Alexis knocked and no one answered so she sat on the outside of the large stall, and sighed. She heard the latch unlock and looked up to see Kate red faced. Alexis stood and wrapped her arms around one of the two people who had stood by her and knew how she felt through it all. Beckett wrapped her arms around Alexis laid her head on her shoulder and cried for all that was and all that would never be.

"We should go back upstairs. Your body needs more rest than what its use to." Alexis pointed out and Beckett knew she was right.

* * *

"I had no choice mother." Castle tried to explain, "…and Kate doesn't understand that. Hell my own daughter went to go find Beckett than spend time with me."

Martha closed her eyes a moment and sighed, "Richard, darling, you died. We mourned your loss and were devastated. Beckett was…and still is struggling with a pregnancy she was keeping a secret. We thought some mad men were after Alexis, and now thank heavens you are alive, but you can't expect them to accept you with open arms. In time, I'm sure all will be fine, but until then you have become a ghost to them. They are in shock, give them time." Martha rested her hands on her sons.

Castle smiled sadly, "Alexis sure has taken to Beckett in a short time."

Martha was quiet a moment, "They both found they shared something, survived a parent's death. They rode the same emotional rollercoaster. Neither wanted on the ride and neither could get off of it. They each have seen the other in their worst moments, and accepted the other no questions asked. They are both protective of the other. Once you live with someone is when you get to know them. As you seem to know Beckett moved in a while ago. She said she promised you that if anything ever happened to you. She would watch after Alexis. She meant it."

Castle closed his eyes as Martha took him into her arms and Alexis and Kate walked into the loft. Alexis and Kate looked on as Martha and Castle held their deadlock. No one had a dry eye.

"I'm tired." Kate finally broke the silence.

"Me too." Alexis agreed and text Esposito as she walked up to her room.

"I think we all need a good night's sleep tonight." Martha spoke for everyone, only Beckett didn't move. She watched as everyone retired to their rooms and stayed put waiting on the inevitable. Castle had to notice she had taken over his room, but would it be incredibly awkward to ask her to stay in the bed or would she welcome him...she felt a migraine come on and took the couch.

Castle walked into his room and over to what use to be his bed. He looked at the bed, it was made and although Beckett did have a laundry basket of her clothes in his room there was a single shirt under the covers. It was one of his shirts.

Beckett lay on the couch in tears full of anger, frustration, grateful, confused, but mainly a love that ran so deep it left a wound that was going to take more than just a little time to heal. Not only had her long lost ghost come back, but he had not realized he'd made her into one as well. Her heart had broken down walls she never knew existed. Her walls had fallen, just as he said they would. Though, not long after her pieces hit the ground Castle was nowhere to be found.

Alexis shook Kate, "You shouldn't sleep on the couch."

"I'm fine, Alexis." Kate reassured.

"No, you aren't, now please sleep in my room. Kate sat up and Alexis climbed onto the couch, and within minutes Kate noticed Alexis was asleep. She stood up, looked to Castle's room and then walked up stairs to Alexis' room and crawled into bed. A tear streamed down her cheek and she tasted the salty liquid as it rolled onto her lips. She thought he would have at least come to check on her.

Rick walked over to the couch thinking he was going to find Beckett. Instead he closed his eyes, hung his head, and whispered, "I'm so sorry, sweetie. Just know I'm very sorry, Alexis."

Alexis didn't wake, and Castle walked back into his room or Beckett's room. At this particular moment he wasn't really sure and it didn't really matter. As long as at some point in time it could become their room. It was a selfish wish, as he knew he had many more pressing issues at hand and none of them involved Kate, Alexis, or his mother.

He crawled into bed and looked at his cell. Alan had called twice along with some unknown numbers. He set the cell down and stared at the ceiling. Did Kate hate him? Did Alexis? He noticed they had both been crying when they walked into the loft, but all in all not many tears were shed. It was then Castle realized the girls had already said their goodbyes to him. Who was he kidding? Every issue that brought him here involved Kate and Alexis as well as the unborn child Kate was carrying. He needed to pick up the pieces that fell shortly after he left, pieces Alexis and Beckett had allowed to die so that they didn't have to deal with the pain. Now more than ever the source of their pain was alive and well and someone was going to have to acknowledge that.

lmk what you think please and thank you.


	10. The Wheel In The Sky

The Wheel In The Sky (Keeps On Turning)

Alexis walked into the kitchen to start the coffee at five, like most mornings. Unlike most mornings she found her father had already started it. Castle's eyes met Alexis' for a moment, but Alexis' eyes darted around as she quickly looked away from him. She inhaled and went to retrieve the blanket on the couch. As she wrapped it around her she contemplated getting up as to not avoid her father, but what he did had hurt her so badly as well as Kate and her Grams. Lost in her own racing thoughts it took her a moment to notice her father was standing in front of her with a cup of coffee in his hand.

She stared at him a moment and took the cup, "Thanks."

Alexis took a sip and exhaled a confused, tired, and frustrated sigh.

Castle nodded, "You're welcome."

Alexis looked straight ahead as Castle sat down beside her, "I never thought that I would ever see you again. We buried you. I thought all I ever wanted was to see you one last time…" Alexis sighed as she looked in her father's eyes, "…and I did Daddy, but not like this. I don't even know where to begin, Dad. You act like everything is fine when Kate was crying in the lobby restroom alone last night. By the way I took the couch and took the liberty of letting her have my bed. You know, if you were even wondering."

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I couldn't tell you that I made it out of the bank for your own protection. Tell me what you want me to do, Alexis?" Castle asked and Alexis stood and looked into her dad's eyes, "It's not that simple Daddy! I don't know what I want you to do right now! I just know I'm angry, okay?"

Beckett closed her eyes and exhaled as she'd watched the scene between Castle and Alexis play out from the staircase. She was angry at Castle too, livid with him for not informing the three women that he had made it out of the bank alive. Then he'd just waltz back into their lives as if their lives had not been uprooted and taken a massive shift. Kate turned and went back upstairs to bed. She had a feeling a certain redhead would soon follow.

Castle sat alone on the couch as he watched his daughter head upstairs he ran his hand over his face and closed his eyes knowing that the road he thought he'd paved was clearly not only a long one. It wasn't paved at all, but an uneven, unfinished dirt mess of a road.

* * *

Kate felt the mattress sway as Alexis climbed into bed and lay next to her. Kate could hear Alexis' muffled tears only a moment and then she sat up and started to rub the girls shoulder. Alexis eyes were solemn her voice a hollow whisper, "He says he is sorry and I know he is, but it's not fair and I feel so very mean like I'm being too hard on him." Alexis pulled out of Kate's embrace and looked her in the eye, "…but he hurt my heart and it still hurts."

"Your father loves you more than anything in this world Alexis. It's okay to feel angry, just have patience, okay? He will never know what it was like for you when he was gone. It's okay to feel upset with him. You love him." Kate said and Alexis embraced Kate again and then lay back down and cried herself to sleep as Kate wiped tears from her eyes. Once Kate was sure Alexis was asleep she got out of bed and walked downstairs only she couldn't find Castle in the kitchen or on the couch. She immediately knew where he was and made a cup of coffee and then walked into his office. He was sitting at his desk turned away from her. She walked in and set the coffee down on his desk. His tear stained face looked up to meet hers. A storm brewed as their eyes met, crashing wildly into each other and held.

"I hate that I love you." Beckett's voice pierced the silence first and Castle rests his head on her stomach and wrapped his arms around her midsection. "I'm still pissed off Castle." She said as she ran her hands through his hair exhaling as she closed her eyes and kissed his crown.

Castle said nothing just held onto her as if his life depended on it. While Kate was still angry with him, she knew Alexis needed to know everything was in fact going to be okay. Alexis and Martha had only wanted one thing for years and the moment it walked back in their life Kate had bolted only heightening Alexis' reaction. Alexis didn't need that right now. She'd come to look up to Kate and Beckett had accepted and grown to love that she did.

Castle and Kate were quiet as he held her tightly. They were in the center of the storm for sure, and for a moment everything was peaceful and right. Though, the eye of the storm is the strongest. It is also the most deceiving as it causes the worst damage.

* * *

I feel I haven't written in forever as I'm having to adapt to using this finger and my little sis is getting married. No excuse, I know. I know it's not the best chap. but do you guys want more? I know some will and still do not understand how if someone is alive one could be angry with them. I will say one does not know how they will react unless you've been in the exact same situation. Luckily these are characters and I know them very well. It may help many if you listen to the song Back From The Dead by Skylar Grey...the lyrics are exactly how the girls feel.


	11. What Now

What Now

Alexis opened her eyes, but didn't move from her comfortable position on her bed. She found while her tears had subsided her heart still was bleeding out. She inhaled and snuck onto the stairs to spy on her dad and Kate. Feeling like a little kid she noticed they weren't downstairs, but where? Oh. She looked toward her father's office and knew they were in there.

Her Grams walked up behind her and bent to whisper in her ear, "Spying on a certain someone?"

Alexis closed her eyes, "Not anymore." She whispered under her breath and then stood up to face her Grams. "Let's go downstairs and get some coffee, Grams." Martha noticed the hollow tone that hung in her only granddaughter's voice. Her heart broke for her as she followed her down the stairs.

* * *

"Why?" Kate wondered aloud not really expecting an answer.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't tell you what happened or where I was. I thought you out of everyone would understand the most, Kate." Castle explained as he let her go and caught her eye once more.

"Castle I mourned you and tried my best to forget you ever existed. This has nothing to do with being sorry. We've already buried you once. I watched them lower a casket into the ground. Then you walked in the door as if back from the dead. If you are sorry, yeah I'm sorry too. But I don't know where we belong now, Rick. Hell, I thought if I slammed the door hard enough you wouldn't exist to me. You can drop the glass, but picking up the pieces is a hell of a lot harder. What do we do now that I'm pregnant…and oddly the worst part is that you knew?!" Beckett said as she stepped back and shook her head at him, "Which means I can't trust you. I have to watch out for this baby right now and I'm sorry too Rick, but I can only trust myself right now."

They should have known silence wouldn't last long, "Kate, wait, please come back." And for a moment she stopped in her tracks and Castle had hope, but she closed her eyes, inhaled, opened them and walked away.

As he watched her walk away Castle didn't understand what he had done wrong. He retreated back to his office. Wouldn't anyone who honestly lost a loved one only want them back? Shouldn't one just be happy their loved one was alive in the first place?

* * *

Kate sat down at the bar and stared at a coffee mug, coffee now cold. Alexis sat on the bottom step her mind racing. Should she stay where she was or join Kate at the bar? She stayed put as her Grams walked past Alexis into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee for Kate and one for herself. Kate looked up at Martha, "I shouldn't drink coffee right now. Though, thank you Martha."

"I drank more than just coffee when I was pregnant with Rick and he turned out…" Martha pondered a moment, "On second thought, maybe I'll make you some breakfast instead."

Kate smiled at Martha as she whipped up an omelet. "Thank you, Martha."

* * *

Alexis stayed put on the last step, but wondered why her dad couldn't understand that they all loved him so much, so much it had almost killed all of them. It wasn't a lack of love that made her angry or a lack of honesty. If anything she felt this was the most honest she had been with herself in a very long time. It was that she loved him so much it hurt to revisit reality and she didn't understand her own emotions. Her father's death had hurt emotionally and physically for way too long. The ache was constant and had never dulled with time like people say it will. Why couldn't he just accept that while she was happy to see him, she was angry too. She wondered if he could see Beckett's pain as she wiped away tears she didn't know had fallen.

Kate watched as Martha cooked and glanced at Alexis on the bottom step, her head hung as she wiped away her tears. Then she looked to Castle's office and let her tears stream down her face not touching one. She may not have liked how he returned back into her life, but no one asked her what she wanted. No one promised her a smooth well traveled road. What would she have done if her mother came back only to have been faking her death this whole time? Even the impossible is possible. She closed her eyes and let her memories run away with her.

 _Dancing in the living room of the loft with Alexis and Martha as they sang Karaoke to It's a Beautiful Day by U2._

 _"_ _Are you?" Alexis' face when she figured out Kate was pregnant._

 _"_ _I love you, Kate." Making love to Rick._

She opened her eyes and couldn't take them off of Rick's office. As she walked into the office Castle heard her and exhaled. He turned to look at her and his eyes grew wide at the site of her.

A pool of blood had stained her pajamas pants and she was resting or more of clutching her hand to her side.

"Kate?" Castle managed.

"Look, I know you are sorry Rick, but it was hard on all of us..." Kate started and then sat down on his desk. "…actually let's talk later, okay? I don't feel so great."

"Alexis!" Castle called for the one person who knew the most about Kate right now. Alexis appeared instantaneously and inhaled knowing what was most likely happening.

"Richard, we have to get her to a hospital." Martha reasoned and Alexis was literally shaking as Kate told them to be quiet for now, and she was fine. She was also in pain although, she hadn't acknowledged it.

"How is dad going to a hospital? No one even knows he is alive." Alexis reasoned as she called Esposito.

* * *

Espo cursed when he saw his cell ring on his morning off, "What's up, Alexis?"

"Meet me at the hospital or come get us. I think Beckett is miscarrying." Alexis spoke calmly.

"I'm coming to get you guys now." Javi told the teenager.

"Javi?" Alexis looked at Beckett.

"Yeah?" Espo responded.

"Use the lights. I'm sort of scared." Alexis stated.

* * *

A/N I get it some of you like it and some don't. No worries I in the end write for me and I really hope you enjoy. Oh, and remember you have no clue what's in store next as I love cliffhangers and rollercoasters...but I tell you what it feels so good to write again! See you critics soon and I love your reviews. xoxoxo


	12. We Have A Stubborn Kinda Love

We Have A Stubborn Kinda Love

"Dad we're going to the hospital. See you later." Alexis said as she walked out the front door with Beckett leaning on Esposito and her worried Grams. Castle knew he couldn't show his face in such a public place and he inhaled and walked over to pour himself a drink.

At the hospital Beckett insisted she was fine in the waiting room. Though, her hand still clutched her side.

"Alexis, how far along is she?" Esposito asked not really trusting Kate's judgment at the moment.

"She's about twelve weeks now." Alexis remembered back to when she figured out Kate was pregnant.

The doctor had taken Kate back and a nurse returned and asked to speak to her family. Alexis, Martha, and Esposito stood and walked over to the nurse. The nurse addressed Esposito assuming he was the father. "Hi my name is Sarah. I'm Dr. Trenton's nurse. You can come back and see Ms. Beckett and speak with Dr. Trenton now."

"All of us or just one of us?" Alexis asked Sarah.

Sarah knew the less people the better for the patient as Ms. Beckett needed her rest, but she also didn't want to upset the already anxious family in the waiting room either. "Everyone, but just for a short time."

The three followed Sarah to a hallway where they met Dr. Trenton outside Beckett's room. Alexis' eyes darted around and tried to focus on Dr. Trenton. So, Kate had a room. You didn't get a room in a hospital unless it was serious. Alexis inhaled listening to Dr. Trenton speak, "Hello, I'm Dr. Trenton. Ms. Beckett is not miscarrying and she is asleep and on a low dose of pain medication."

"Oh, thank heavens." Martha said as she raised her hand to her mouth.

Esposito was stoic and Alexis was silent as well. She could feel a but coming.

"Though, she did have a minor placental abruption. We took a vaginal ultrasound and while it's rare to have one at twelve weeks. It does happen and we would like to keep her over night for monitoring until her blood pressure returns to normal." Said Dr. Trenton

Esposito shook the Trenton's hand thanking him and Alexis wondered, "Can we see her?"

"Her blood pressure was very high likely due to stress. It's really important if she rests for now." Dr. Trenton said to Alexis. She nodded her head in understanding. Dr. Trenton started to walk away and then stopped and turned to Esposito, "Oh, did you want to know the sex of the baby?"

Alexis didn't stutter, "Yes."

Esposito looked to Alexis as did Dr. Trenton, "Ms. Beckett is having a girl. Congratulations."

Martha embraced Alexis in a hug and then Alexis turned to Esposito and hugged him, "I'm going to have a little sister." For the first time in days Alexis laughed and smiled a genuine smile as the three stood in the corridor together.

* * *

No one had called him yet so Castle just hoped no news meant good news. Watching Kate walk away in distress may have been the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. Suddenly the phone rang and he pounced on it, "Hello?"

"Rick, it is done. Though, you need to keep this operation to yourself. The girls don't need to know what happened here." His father said and hung up.

Rick hung up as well and sunk down on the couch. Was it really over? He feared for some reason it would never be over. He still felt his dad was wrong and the girls deserved to know why he had been gone. Then again love does that to you. It makes one lose all common sense and forget rational. For, when he looked into Kate's eyes there was no doubt the destruction of the coming storm was going to be immense. The aftermath of a storm of that magnitude would be insanity, but Castle knew what he wanted the very first moment he had looked into her eyes. He knew he'd dive into that storm just to drown in her over again every single time. He smiled remembering the first case they worked and the sultry grin and words she whispered in his ear.

" _You have no idea."_

He had watched her walk away, but knew he couldn't let her get away for good. So, he chased her over and over again. To this day he would pull and she'd push right back.

* * *

Beckett opened her eyes and remembered what had happened and her hand fell to her abdomen. She still didn't know if she had lost the baby or not. She pressed the button for the nurse and soon Sarah appeared, "Ms. Beckett you're up."

Beckett inhaled, "Did I lose the baby?"

"No. You had a minor placental abruption. At twelve weeks it's rare, but we're keeping you over night for monitoring. You had very high blood pressure." Sarah said and Beckett nodded.

"Sarah, can you tell my family I'm awake please." Beckett asked and left.

Alexis, Martha, Esposito, and now Lanie walked into the room not much later. Kate smiled and Alexis rushed to Kate's side.

"Kate, we were so worried!" Alexis was still shaken up, but also so relieved.

Martha walked up to her bedside next and squeezed her hand, "You scared the hell out of us. Now get some rest."

Esposito stood in the background, "Agreed. Get some rest Beckett."

It seemed Lanie's turn was next. She took Beckett's hand and said, "Girl, you have a lot of explaining to do. I was already here when I got Javi's text. I'll talk to you later."

Everyone started to walk out of the room except Alexis. She got to the door and turned back around as tears fell she looked at Kate, "Love you Kate."

"Love you too Alexis." Beckett squeezed her hand. When Alexis left Beckett pulled out her cell that Javi had slipped to her a moment ago.

* * *

Castle saw his cell light up with Beckett's name and he grabbed it, "Beckett?"

"I'm fine. It looks like this little girl is just as strong willed as the rest of the women in your life." Kate said.

"Thank God you're okay. Have you spoke with…wait, you said girl. We're having a girl?" Castle said as he rubbed his free hand over his face and let her words sink in.

Kate smiled, "Castle, I wish you could be here."

"Yeah, me too. What happened?" Castle wondered.

They knew they fought like cats and dogs one moment and needed only each other the next. They didn't make sense at all. They were oil and water, but for some reason they were each other's exception. He was the piece of her she couldn't live without and vice versa.

"A minor placental abruption. It's rare at twelve weeks, but I'm fine and they need to keep me over night for monitoring." Beckett explained.

"Who is staying at the hospital with you overnight?" Castle wondered.

"I know Alexis wants to, but she is so tired and so is Martha. I'm going to tell Espo to take them home." Beckett said not answering his question.

Castle pushed, "But who will be with you?"

Beckett smiled, "I'm going to text Lanie after I get off the phone with you. She was already here anyway working extra hours."

Castle shook his head. She was right about one thing. Kate sure was stubborn. "Night, Kate. You need rest."

"Mmhhmm." Beckett was starting to get sleepy again and knew she really needed the rest. Kate opened her eyes abruptly as she remembered. She could say it now. So, why did she fight it? Was she still that scared? Wasn't that all she wanted was to tell him?

The silence was ear piercingly long, "Rick?"

"Yeah?" Castle yawned.

"I love you." Beckett said suddenly realizing what she had said she wiped a tear from her eyes. She'd missed him so much.

Castle smiled, "Love you too."

Then Beckett called Lanie, "Can you stay the night?"

"Girl, I'm going to slap you. Yes. You and I need to talk." Lanie said.

"Lanie?" Beckett asked.

"Yes?" Lanie wondered.

"Will you tell Espo to bring Martha and Alexis home?" Beckett exhaled.

"Of course, now I'll see you in a bit." Lanie said and Beckett nodded as she struggled to keep her eyes open until Lanie got there. Though, she was too tired and dreams finally took her.

* * *

A/N Hope you guys like it. Thanks so much for your reviews and up next is Lanie and Beckett.


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